What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

The Necessity of The Little Things

Happy May! Hard to believe it’s already a week into the month. Time does seem to fly faster as I get older. Often it feels as though I barely begin a project when the deadline jumps in my lap. Does this happen to you?

Every year, some of the same events push forward on the calendar – award nominations, author book conferences, marketing/publicity renewals – and often interfere with what I want to be doing and that’s working on my writing. But these annual calendar events are important to your work and require the same attention as that fight scene your working on in the novel. However, sometimes it can feel overwhelming and chaotic unless you are organized.

I confess I’m not always organized at home. Cleaning can be delayed, supper can run late, laundry gets pushed a day, grocery shopping forced early….daily stuff can push my buttons. But I plan for those things so why shouldn’t I plan for my other work, the Writer Job?

My Brain, the Calendar

I’m a child of the desktop Daily Calendar (remember those huge things that covered your desk and became your blotter and your doodle pad?) as well as ye good ol’ Pocket Calendar. Both were used to some degree but neither worked as well as intended. Then along came that hand held monstrosity called the PDA or some other kind of electronic organizers. Or if you pre-date those, you will remember the thick leather binders with calendars, daily to do lists, task lists, contacts, notepapers, and various other organizers in one THICK binder called a Life Planner or Organizer. Big with the old “Yuppie” crowds and young up-and-coming executives. Steal that and you could break a person because it held their entire professional life. It’s why we needed the cloud!

Today, after much trial and error, I keep a 5×7 size daily calendar with a monthly overview and I use it. That’s point number one. I like a physical one that I can refer to any time and that does not depend on my being on the computer. There is room for daily notes as well as a monthly overview for a quick glance of scheduled events. I am religious about this thing! I write personal appointments (nails, hair, visits) but mostly I use it for

     1. Writer events (writer group meetings, meetings with PAA, library visits, phone calls I need to make)
     2. Appearances (conferences, interviews [radio, newspaper, blogs])
     3. Deadlines for marketing and promotion by month plus when announcements/results are announced (applying for book awards, starting an ad campaign, working for cover designs, preparing for oral reviews or scheduling book edits) to be sure paperwork is done on time/money is paid, etc.
     4. Family appointments that may overlap on scheduled dates.

Keeping organized is the key to maintaining control of your life and sanity. My calendar helps me to do this.

Organization – The File Folder

I’m a paper copy person. I have digital files of everything (cloud, flash drive, DVD, CD) but I also have paper copies of every story, poem, published and unpublished novel, notebooks of ideas (quotes, pictures, stories concepts, character sheets). And I maintain folders.

     1. Clips of my published works (articles published in newspaers, magazines and blogs)
     2. Copies of articles about me by others (newspapers, magazines, blogs)
     3. Public appearances to include my speeches, copies of programs, financial stipends, etc
     4.  Press Releases (yes you need to do one every time you publish or win an award)
     5. Expenditures for marketing, promotions, subscriptions, book orders, anything that I spent money on – and I have subset folders to help me if I spend a great deal.
     6. Award applications AND expenditures
     7. Earnings by month and a yearly overview (include stipends, honorariums, royalties)

Don’t forget your folders for different books in progress, stories, research (I have tons of folders with stuff I’ve looked up).

And correspondence files. Hard copies of important contact letters, contracts, etc that might need quick reference/proof.

It is a digital world with a paper underbelly. It’s proved invaluable over the years.

Miscellaneous Important Things

Business Cards – If you go to any event where you meet other authors or any industry professionals (models, designers, photographers, publishers, editors) I hope you are picking up business cards besides all that free swag. When you get home, be sure to put those business cards into your digital rolodex if you keep such a thing. Or if you are like me, I have a card folder. One for authors and one for local businesses I like and out of town ones I want to revisit. Contact cards can be useful when you need help or plan an event.

Last suggestion. At the end of every work week (you decide how you monitor your work). I use Saturdays to evaluate the past week, organize the leftovers, make notes for the next week, make the requisite lists that seriously resemble “to do.” Post-Its are my friend.

The little things matter and losing touch with them can cause you to feel frayed and disjointed. Managing those little things – or as an old mentor said, “juggling feathers in a hurricane” – will make you feel (and be) more in charge and in control of the bigger things. After all, we are the bigger things and we are our personal, best managers.

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Hope you notice the recent updates to the web pages, including the books. More changes to come.

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

SAFETY TIPS for the OVER 50 Crowd (writers, too)

I am not deliberately writing this to be man when I tell you that many of the authors I’ve met who are over 50 are out of shape, me included. Boomers are the worst when it comes to taking care of ourselves (me, again) because we read and write and therefore we sit more than we do anything else. We know we need to do more but hey, we eat while we write (and drink). Although many of us are now trying to eat less chocolate and more kale (not me), the fact remains that we are out of shape. 

And it’s not just authors, but the Baby Boomer Generation is the new, largest generation. And no matter what our individual positive and negative traits, we are a generation older and out of shape and therefore more prone to personal accidents and injury. We are children of our times.

If you’re like me, you grew up on red meat and potatoes. Hamburger, hot dogs, sloppy joes, creamed corn, creamed chip beef, gravies, biscuits, toast, corn cereal (rice crispies anyone?) French fries, fish sticks, meatloaf, spaghetti and meat sauce, meat, meat, meat and starch starch starch. Don’t forget Vienna sausages and Spam. Sure,I had salads too, served along with friend chicken. The only fish in my house was breaded and in a stick. And I’m overweight (struggled all my life, even in the military). Diet has a lot to do with what happens now in my present and future. 

I mention it because authorship/writing/sedentary research/reading contributes to my reason for this article. But so does age. Combine the two and you need some tips to keep you from ending up in the hospital (after someone posts a video of you on AFV). Yes, we know how to eat better now, but we still have half a century of lessons to overcome. That doesn’t happen easily or overnight.

So here are some tips to mitigate accidents while you change your habits, lose the weight, or just age gracefully:

Remember these three things as we discuss safety: You are older and you lose strength and balance as you age. Unless you work it, your “core” muscles that support your every moment go flabby and you don’t have the strength to stop certain mishaps. And finally, blood pressure is a concern as we age, often impacted by other factors (disease, medicine, age, and carelessness).

THE BATHROOM:

1. The shower and tub can be scary places if you fall and are alone. First, if you bend over to wrap your hair, go slowly. Many have tumbled forward due to loss of balance and blood rushing to the head. Instead, lean your butt against the back of the shower with weight on your heels. Wrap your head and then rise up slowly. The solid wall behind you will give you a focus. Also, never contort or bend in the shower with your back to the curtain or to the doors (especially glass). Should you slip and go backwards, well, it will be a terrible accident.2. Hand rails are your friends. Nothing wrong with giving yourself an aid. Install a handrail (no plastic or PVC – get bronze or chrome over steel) at waist level. So that the average person in the shower (sorry all you people 6 feet tall and over), reaches with a slightly bent elbow at waist level. Should there be a slip, you have something real and firm to grasp that won’t pop out of the wall. 

3. If you do fall out of the shower/tub, be sure to have a cell phone or land line available. Don’t leave it in the other room or up on the counter ten feet away. I put mine right outside the shower. If I’m on the floor (I’ve fallen and can’t get up) then I want to be able to reach a phone with minimum crawling in case I’m seriously hurt.

THE STAIRS

l. Most people over 50 who are out of shape still think they can run down stairs like they are 20. If you exercise and are lithe, yes you can. If not, well, let me tell that you can fall at any age for any reason but stairs will do you in as you age. First, your eyes and your glasses! Bifocals change everything about what you see below the nose. When I first got my bifocals I had a hard time adjusting to lowering my head enough to continue normal vision. As a result I did take a tumble down stairs, twice. Once only three steps but I landed on my hip on a concrete floor. Ouch! The other fall came on marble stairs when I did even see the step because I caught it in my glasses “blind spot.” I tumbled down six stairs before I caught myself. Fortunately, only my pride took a bruising. Glasses, combined with a weak center core will contribute to falling.

2. The weak center core (your stomach muscles) cause you to have less control over your body. And it also adds to bad posture. If you don’t stand up straight when you take stairs (especially going down) you force your body to lean more forward than it should. If your core is strong, your body will compensate. If not, hello tumble. Good posture also gets forfeit by writers who lean over when they should sit up straight to type, type while leaning over or laying flat in the bed. Hunchback over a keyboard (shoulders not pushed back), neck bent, also weakens the core and bad posture means less control of the body. 

3. Shoes matter. The higher the heel, the less steady you will be. If you are wearing stilletoes, then be elegant and cautious and glide slowly. Be the queen. Don’t go chomping down the stairs like a horse on rails. You will fall.

I know, seems crazy, but add years of this behavior and you have a recipe for a serious injury waiting to happen.

3. The stair solution is simple. Use the handrail. Don’t speed down the stairs as if you were 20 again. Strengthen yourself by walking on a treadmill and lean on the rails or even use one while walking. Learn to walk without assistance and Stand. Up. Straight. Eyes forward. Don’t hunch or bend over to read while trying to walk. Seriously, don’t do it with your cell in real life so don’t do it while on the treadmill.

4. I’m going to add stepladders and step stairs as an additive. Going to fix something in the house or yard and need the ladder? Get one with rails. If you aren’t used to cleaning the gutter, don’t suddenly decide to climb the 16 foot ladder and start reaching wide up high. 

Rule of thumb, if you haven’t done this in the last two months or less, don’t do it now. Some deeds are NOT like riding a bike. Your body does NOT remember and you don’t maintain muscle memory for something that you used to do 30 or 40 years ago!

Which brings me to the last category:

PLAY

You’ve decided you want to play along with your teens or your grandkids. Or else you’re out with “the girls” or “the friends” and you go somewhere where your “professional peers” are doing things that look like great fun. You want in! Problem is they are 20 years younger than you or it’s something they’ve done many times in the recent pass and you haven’t done it since junior high. Like:  

Wanna ride your kid’s mountain bike down the dirt hill? Or how about using the pogo stick? Feel like racing down the street? Climbing the jungle jim? Rock wall? Roller skates? So I’m going to ask you how long it’s been and do you have on the right shoes?? Have you been drinking? And are you nuts?

I’m not saying don’t have fun or don’t stay young. If you want to do wild and crazy things then get in better shape by improving your center of gravity and making sure your shoes, your glasses, and your clothes aren’t going to get you into trouble. Flip flops may be comfortable but they aren’t secure. Bifocals help you to read but aren’t great when you are climbing. Dresses aren’t for rock walls or strolls through the brush due to brambles, poison ivy or things that bite. See my point?

Safety requires change as we age. We aren’t who we used to be. We can be close if we work at it. If not, and you just want to live your life, then do it gracefully, smartly, and think before you act. Remember that healing also takes more time than it did when you were twenty. And hips and knees are expensive if surgery is required. Save your money and take some tips.

The characters in our books may survive going over the cliff, but your odds? Well, let’s work on that core first and oh, don’t forget to change your shoes.

Thanks for coming by. Here’s to a safer, healthier summer while we write our bestsellers.

Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry