The Positive of Negative Emotions

…and how to use them for yourself and your characters.

Life is a study of emotions. We often cruise through our days, months and years, barely aware of what’s going on outside of ourselves, perhaps only peripherally aware of our neighbors, too aware of what the news offers, and oblivious to what goes on outside of our scope of interest. I put to you that being more aware of the emotional landscape in your world benefits you personally as well as your character writing — specifically, the negative emotions no one like to feel or discuss.

Authors love to delve into character backgrounds, researching history, culture, even underwear when it suits them (or they have a need to bare it all. Ahem). We will give characters seedy backgrounds, give them physical wounds, and even childhood issues, but few use the darker or more negative emotional wounds/issues to character benefit (unless creating villains). I believe this hurts our characters and handicaps us both as people and as storytellers.

Let me give you a few examples of negative emotions and how each benefits you and your writing when viewed positively.

GUILT:  We all know the dark side of guilt. We do or say something and suddenly we feel bad that we’ve caused harm, or tears. We didn’t mean to break the vase and feel guilty because we know we shouldn’t have been skating in the house. Mom is mad and we are guilty (and punished). So where is the gem here? Guilt proves that we have a conscience. Guilt is the other side of apathy. If we didn’t care, there is no guilt and that’s the true negative. Feeling guilty shows there is a moral compass that can be used over and over for a characters growth. Guilt for past deeds is fodder for actions in the future. Guilt is a foundation for relationships meant to be positive. Guilt is more than a one-and-done happening.

SHAME:  We feel badly when we do something which hurts others when we could have prevented it. We feel badly when we see others mistreated or used by someone else. Shame comes because we have learned what is and isn’t acceptable in speech or behavior or belief. It proves – and here is the positive – that we have a moral compass. Someone you love tells a  lie about someone else and you are ashamed of them. Your moral compass is pinging. It proves that you have learned that certain kinds of pain are wrong. The gift is that in feeling shame, you know how to find relief and pride. Shame can build character. Take a police officer who built a career on  a past shame and is now incorruptible.

ANGER: Being mad is one of those emotions that can be both good and bad. You’ve heard of “justifiable homicide?” Murder when the person had it coming? But what about simpler anger. Anger that is so deep that it ruins relationships. Such anger can test our moral compass, re: homicide. Hot anger seems like the unforgiveable negative but au contraire! Let us not forget Shakespeare’s warning, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” In other words, let cooler heads prevail and when you have calmed down enact a revenge that the other never saw coming. So what’s the positive of anger? Anger demonstrats what your personal limits are and pushes you to test your moral compass. You reach the edge of your abyss and either you fall in or you step back. For a character to discover that edge gives them a wonderful control of self. And a useful tool against others who seek to manipulate, too. Use anger carefully.

FEAR: We all know about “fight or flight” syndrome and how fear will motivate or paralyze. The negative part of fear is becoming insecure. Fear can still thrust a soldier into battle or paralyze them into being shot. Fear is deadly. The upside to fear is how it creates change. Overcoming fear can break inhibitions or create new ones. Coming to grips with fear also teaches a person to trust personal instincts. And good instincts are a character’s gem. Use fear to make positive change and memorable, useful, experiences.

GRIEF: If you’ve lost a childhood friend, a family pet, a relative or cried over a character in a book or a movie, you’ve known grief. The level of attachment defines the depth. And that depth is the positive aspect we need for greater characters. Without grieving, we are shallow, septic, apathetic and even anti-social. Grief is the obvious truth of caring. Grieving is change, development, growth for relationships, a mantra for change. The mother who lost four children due to miscarriages gives up having any children and stops having sex because of a fear of more losses. The grief has changed her entire outlook of sex, relationships, her abilities and her function in life. And suddenly an abandoned child is thrust into her life and she needs bone marrow….and we have a match. Now the moral fiber opens and so does a heart. Grief can make positive changes when carefully managed.

These are only a few examples of how we need to use the positive side of negative emotions. Using this method to peel away the sour, provides special depth to characters and makes them unforgettable and more like real people. We need to find positives in the negatives for ourselves too, and if we don’t know how, then begin with characters. You’ll find your way by learning through them, just as your readers will.

Happy Writing!

Don’t forget to join me for my next Facebook Live chat on May 26, 11 a.m. on my author page.

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I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

The Need for Poetry Never Ends

National Poetry Month ends today and while some may be letting out a sigh of relief, it is worth reminding ourselves that poetry serves a purpose in civilization and lives well beyond the April Madness every year. I believe our need for poetry never ends because it serves as witness of societies flaws and struggles and then gives voice to the observations. We see ourselves in ways we do not in other mediums.

Forbes Magazine has long highlighted poetry with responsibility. Take for example an article Jul 9, 2010 about Poetry and Pollution. The newly announced poet laureate W.S. Merwin wrote of ecological disasters. But Merwin is by far not the first to use his pen and write with a “social responsibility.”

In literature, where we seek social justice, first you have to understand what is meant by social responsibility. The best definition I ever read was, “the awareness of social injustice, from the local to the global, necessitates specific actions to combat those injustices. In other words, social responsibility and social activism are inextricably intertwined; once aware of the injustice, one is morally obliged to act.” (Naomi Benaron, author, 2012).

For fiction writers, there is a long history of literature intertwined with a need to highlight social responsibility and therefore find social justice. From Quixote, Dickens, and Austin through more current folks like Parsipur, Merwin, and Lucia Mann, there is a compelling need for writers to seek answers in the darkness and to speak out with authority whenever possible to shine light, right wrongs, and seek betterment for their lives, societies and countries.

But what of the poet? What makes the poet separate from the fiction writer? And are they more or less powerful with the pen?

I think it begins with a belief that social responsibility begins with children. What better way to send a message than a poem that one can learn, recite, and then remember forever? Besides understanding how poetry has always been a voice in the dark, then discovering those lights shows us how much social injustice has been highlighted in poetry.

Once Chinese immigrants were incarcerated at Angel Island, California during the early 1900s. They wrote their poetry on the walls, despite being told not to. Their poetry filled the halls of their prison and became known as the “talking walls.” From these walls, we learned of their belief in a right to freedom. And that they believed no one has the right to restrict their right to protest injustice. Their poetry was a powerful tool. Here is a short quote from one of the Chinese poems:

“For days I have been without freedom on Island.

In reduced circumstances now, I mingle with the prisoners.

Grievances fill my belly; I rely on poetry to express them.”

The beautiful language highlighted the impoverished conditions and sparked a need for a more fair and just society.

Another desirable aspect of poetry is its ability to present ideals and stress a position, to step off neutrality without the ugliness. There is a responsibility in our country to propose freedom and democracy. Political dictators and oppressionists have attacked these sorts of poets because they find social injustice poetry to be dangerously seditious. Which is exactly why I – and so many others — find it powerful.

Those young Chinese poets also did not take their use of poetry lightly. There was nothing common or funny about the literary tool. In their culture, poetry is the preferred method for highlighting social injustice. This is what makes their “talking walls” so important, that they leaned on their culture as they sought to expose social injustice. It also comforted them, giving something familiar. Here is a sample of one in translation. From the Angel Island bathroom wall:

Most of all, I think the power of poetry exposing social injustice comes in humanizing issues and reaching people on an emotional level. Poetry allows us to gently empathize, find common ground, and to make what is scary or heinous more touchable. Again, it starts with children, learning to deal with social isolation, bullying, differences, and finding understanding in diversity. Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss did it for children and made topics easily remembered. Maya Angelou made it easy for adults to understand and want to do better.

This was exactly my thought when I wrote my third book of poetry, The Book of Now. Not that it could be for children, because truthfully it is too harsh for little kids. But that I can cover terrorism, bullying, abuse, political bigotry and so many other harsh and divisive issues while pointing out the need for and the power of diversity, compassion, and knowledge.

Today’s important poets have shown me the way. From Swiss poet Daniele Pantano, Harlem Renaissance poet Langston Hughes, to past U.S. Poet Laureate Juan Felipe Herrera, poetry ignites the issues and sparks a need for change. And these changes may simply be in how we view an issue, more enlightened, more open-minded, more resolved.

I certainly don’t expect to remake the world or create a tsunami of change. However, with my poetry, I want others to see subtleties, discover new emotions, and open dialogues of change. There are controversial issues in The Book of Now. We have to be fearless and open-minded if we are going to make this world a better place. Poetry is my way of highlighting social injustices and directing where our social responsibility might be. I think poets make the unpalatable more digestible, because they do it with compassion inside their honesty. I hope I did the same.

I contend that poets believe in possibilities. Like me, The Book of Now does, too. I hope the message resonates with some of you and that you will take up the banner against the social injustices highlighted in The Book of Now. Join an illustrious population of people striving for a better world.

Poetry remains one of the most steadfast literary necessities no matter your age, sex, color, race, ethnicity, orientation or creed. Poetry reminds us who we are, where we have been, and how we might face the future together.

Just because the National Poetry Month is over doesn’t mean poetry should end. In fact, I’m hoping we never bring about such a horror and instead, realize the important role poetry plays in the world.

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Thanks for coming by! Next month, more on the new book, character insights, writer tips and surprises! Don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter while you’re here (right margin).

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry