What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

This week I thought it would be fun to answer some questions that fellow writers sent me. I offer these writing issues with my personal opinions for possible solutions.

Let’s begin with a big one I get asked repeatedly:

I want to write but I just can’t find a way to begin. I’m blocked. I feel the words but can’t get them down on paper. Now I’m not sure I’ll ever write. ~Susan, Calif.

Hi Susan. First, I don’t believe in writer’s block (never did). I think I can help you with my trick. When I feel overwhelmed with lots of ideas, I do a brain dump. I have a variety of notebooks for just this sort of issue. First, I have a notebook for “ideas.” These are the random things I think about but aren’t sure what to do with them yet. Then I have a notebook for every book/project I’m working on. I keep those ideas together and that’s to be sure I don’t lose any story gems I think about but can’t write about just yet. Next, I have a notebook for research. You know those things you learn but it isn’t trivia and it isn’t a story (yet) but you think you might need it? I call this my Random Facts book. Very handy.  With these notebooks, I ensure that my ideas are captured and my brain is emptied of the clutter. This allows me to have a sharper focus on what I need or want to do and I’m not fighting my own ideas. 

Then you just begin. Don’t worry if it isn’t the actual beginning of a story or novel. Just start writing. Aren’t sure where the story is going to go? Don’t rub that wound, just let the writing out. Go ahead and do that crazy dialogue you’ve been fuming over. Write that creative description of that house. Take the car ride and tell us what you see. Just start. The rest will come. Hope this helps.

I have to do research for my story but I don’t know how to stop. I love it and my writing stops when I start searching. Then It’s hard to start again. ~Ted, MD

Good question, Ted. I love research too. I confess I’ve spent days lost in my search for cool stuff. When I was writing THE GYPSY THORN, I learned so much history, reading about Vienna, trade routes, churches and royalty that I felt I could write a college paper with ease. I printed off gobs of goodies and that is my secret. First, as I told Susan (above), you jot your notes down or you print the stuff off the computer (be sure to keep your bibliography and NEVER plagiarize from others). I like to be able to re-read my research later. To be sure I don’t get lost I either set a timer and stick to it or set aside a day just for that one thing. Then I don’t feel guilty or feel as though I’ve neglected my main work. When I find what I need I stop (most of the time). If I have found other goodies, I bookmark or make the notes in my notebook for the next designated research time. I recommend no more than three days a week if you have a great deal to do or an hour a day if that is more to your needs. Remember when you have your info to go back to that place and start writing about it. This would be in your first draft so don’t worry if it isn’t all “perfect.” Time to fix it later. You’ll do great. Happy hunting.

Since when do we take nouns and make them verbs? Don’t we have real words that we can use? ~Mary, GA

Hi Mary. I’m going to confess your question made me laugh. I often complain about language and how it’s used by others. In this case, I think I see what you mean. For example, author becomes “authoring,” right? And the one that bugs me is “adult” becomes “adulating.” It is curious how words become fads and then go mainstream so fast. But sometimes there just aren’t any words that accurately describe a thing. Take “groovy.”  The word was a jazz term in the 1920’s and mean the player was “in the groove” of the music which came when vinyl records were produced. When the music was “swinging” or “in the pocket” it was in the groove (as in the lay of the record). So in the 60’s, the word matched the feel of a new generation of music and once again, it described the sensation but for a new style of music. It was still the same word but with a new generation of applied feeling. So it is with authoring. I suppose you can say “I’m working on my author duties,” or “I’m making my plans for selling books” but in the spirt of being to the point and succinct, authoring will do. I’ve done the same with words. I’ve used this technique in poetry with great success, Check out my poems The Paper Cut Murder or The Hangnail Prison.  My word “dump-trucked” drew lots of laughter but my book PAPER BONES won awards. I think you should try your hand at creating new words for what you need to say. And I will agree – we say “authoring” and “adulting” waaaay too much. I’m going to make a note for myself. Thanks!

There’s too much to learn and I just want to write. ~Chrystal, TN

Oh I feel this one! I have said the same thing, Chrystal. Writers, as with any profession, are constantly learning their craft. Writing isn’t something you learn once and then go write. Formatting always changes, style changes, even how to write effective dialogue improves and sharpens. Strong writers are plugged into trade magazines, editors, blogs, conferences, groups, and books for the never-ending plethora of writing advice. There are moments, I know, when you feel as though you haven’t learned anything and get frustrated. Happens to everyone. Just keep writing. Practice what you’re learning by doing some writing exercises every day. Like every athlete works out, so you can work out your writing muscles to help make what you are learning become what you are writing. Never stop learning. Stay up-to-date. But never stop writing. You’ll get a rhythm and eventually, the exhaustive reading/learning becomes a part of you. Stay focused.

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Thanks for writing! If I didn’t answer your question here, you probably got an email from me. I like hearing from you, so keep those thoughts coming! Feel free to use the Contact Me form to reach out.

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UPDATES: ** Work progresses on the new book, LOVE AND BLOOD. I took some time off to be sure I was going in the direction I planned and I’ve been working steadily since mid-February. 

**I’m also doing work on some “vignettes” — short “moments” that take place inside stories that don’t make it into books or character insights that are simply fun and not valuable in the main stories. These partial mini-stories help to understand characters and put some events into context. I would like to have these out this year, too.

**Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram. Every Monday I showcase a new pen. I see a book coming on my pens after a year of them (they end late summer, so it will be late this year or early next year for the picture book).

**FACEBOOK LIVE! The monthly chat will Mar 24. Don’t miss out on the fun. I’m giving away some goodies.

As always, thanks for coming by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry

Fear.

Everyone at one point or another has tasted fear. Authors know fear and speak of it. Most authors fear the fear but even more have learned one vital lesson – fear is good.

Fear is a motivator, an instigater, a castigator, an illuminator, a paralyzer and an energizer. Fear is what makes us feel alive and makes us worry that we’re going to die. Fear is under so much of who we are as people, as writers, as stories. Fear is important. And you should be afraid! Fear comes from what we know and it comes from what we don’t know. It’s insidious and sneaky and delicious. Fear is important. We learn from our fears and we adapt because of them. When you can accept fear into your heart, then you may benefit from it. Yes, I’m saying it is important give in and be afraid.

First, let’s look at why I believe all those adjectives. When we are small, we develop fear of the unknown. This is where we put the things we don’t understand, into the shadow beyond the darkness. Such fear can motivate us to run or to fight. Fight or Flight syndrome comes from this basic fear. The fear of the unknown is challenging and can be paralyzing if we don’t learn to fight through it. Simply turning a corner on a dark road meets this fear. Keep turning the wheel, despite your fear. Delicious things come from pressing forward (safely please, unless you are a character).

Second, there is the kind of fear that instigates reactions. We fear getting surprised so we set up booby-traps. We fear being “taken” by a criminal so we trap them instead. We fear getting into a fight so we avoid that person. We fear what is around the bend, the corner, or off the road.This fear is more about what will happen to us and isn’t always good. But it is a wonderful tool for your traitors, your villains, your contagonists. Channel it.

Next there is the fear that illuminates. Studying for a test out of fear of failure can illuminate us to knowledge and behaviors (ours and our fellow students and teachers!). This kind of fear shines a light on our weaknesses and our needs. This fear can be used to aid others, provide that ah-ha moment, lead to discovery of clues or the ultimate takedown of the antagonist.

Castigation often follows fear. When we have been frightened and we don’t wish to be frightened again, we often castigate the perpetrators. Most often we find it riding on relief. It causes a plethora of negative emotions including vitriol, anger, hatred, childish jealousy, envy and back talk. This is when our mouths often overtake good sense. This fear is damaging. It is what parents often do their children. It is what heroes often do in frustration or a lover to a beloved. Use it wisely because it hurts.

Finally, there is the fear that energizes. I could write on and on about fear but let’s concentrate on this positive aspect. This fear makes us feel alive. The fear of not meeting a deadline (work, school, curfew). This fear motives, illuminates, castigates, paralyzes, frustrates, and – the best part – separates the determined from the unsure. THIS is the fear which often guides an author to guide the conflict in the stories. This energizing fear is the substance of good stories. It combines all the elements of fear into one positive stroke, using all the elements to culminate into a great ending (doesn’t have to be a happy one!).

Sure, authors are afraid of failure. We all fear not being accepted. We all fear bad reviews. But when the fear energizes, it can be channeled into producing action. And that action makes us feel excited and alive. Latch onto that feeling and ride it. Let it become you. Never give up or let fear of failure win. You can benefit if you try, and keep trying.

Fear can be good for you. A little stress gets the blood pumping, colors your cheeks, makes you feel giddy and goofy and tingly all over. Fear about the first time you had sex. Fear about going to that first scary movie. Fear about Halloween and the haunted house. Fear about that last manuscript, the one you had nightmares over and the one the beta readers ripped you apart over. (You know the one that turned out good in the end but kept you up for a month in frightful worry!).

As long as you use your fear productively, as long as you don’t let fear overtake your good sense or your ability to produce/function, fear is your friend. That’s why I say, let fear in. Let fear enliven you. Let fear spark your characters, bring reality to your stories, breathe tension to your novels and excitement to your publishing. Fear, used well, is good!

So go ahead. Be afraid. I’ll meet you in the shadows.

Thanks for coming by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry