Aren’t You Tired?

I’m tired! Time to rant and this is personal to writers everywhere. I’ve reached a limit.

I’m tired of trying to share, explain, convince, persuade, extoll, proclaim and define my worth, abilities, writing, sales, lack of sales, reasons to try, results of failures, reasons for awards or success, writing, re-writing…

I’m just tired. I’m tired of hypocrites, two-faced friends, lazy writers, mouthy writers, backstabbers, whiners, hyperbole, deriders, dividers, promise-breakers, cheaters and pseudo friends.
I think I’m having a day when my cup overfloweth with ENOUGH.

Look. I’m a writer. I have my foibles and my strengths. Some days I’m strong and capable and flourishing while other days I’m useless, struggling, and cranky. Some days I can’t stop writing. Some days I want to stop because it sucks but I keep on plodding through it. It still sucks, though. I’m not perfect but some days I write and say things that nearly are. Little golden moments. I like to be jubilant when those moments come. Please don’t play “put-you-down” on those rare times. I tend to dislike you when you do. I know you need to feel better about you and less about me when you do that, and its ugly of you.

I’m also human. And sensitive. I don’t like it when people assume that I never have a bad day. It would be nice to be asked how I’m doing. Sometimes I’m crappy, too. But if you really don’t care how I feel, please don’t ask me. You are the worst sort of person because I always answer with truth. If you don’t want to know, then move on. And don’t ask me how I am just so you can hurry up and tell me all about your trials and miseries.

Please don’t tell me you share my passion for writing if all you do is think about it or tell others what you plan to write. Planning is good. I plan. I outline. I research (sometimes too much). But sooner or later you have start writing. If you’re still talking about it years later, please don’t try to insinuate yourself into my world just because you need to “feel” like a writer. It’s okay if you don’t write. We can still hang out. But we’ll be more real with each other if we don’t pretend.

Writers/authors are told to surround ourselves with positive people. Well, not everyone is positive all the time. I understand bad days. I have compassion for “troubled times.” I understand long-term difficulties. But if you focus solely on the bad, you’ll send me away. If you focus only on you, you’ll send me away. Sometimes you have to step into the light so that others can help. Be positive even in the face of adversity and let others reach you. And don’t forget that others may have need of you to be uplifting too. Don’t forget to ask how someone else is doing. (Unless of course, you don’t care and then you are the person I’m speaking about here).

I’m tired. I don’t like playing games with people. I don’t like ulterior motives or playing “one-up-manship.” Every writer is different. Every writer walks a solitary path with individualized goals and expectations. I can’t do what you do and I don’t expect to see or feel the same success as you do, when you do. Mine is going to come in its own time and as I work for it. Magic does not happen without effort. You cannot achieve what I do and you shouldn’t try. I cannot do what you do and must not measure myself against you. Do your thing. I will support you. I will encourage you. I will help when and where I can. I expect the same from you in support, encouragement, understanding in return. When you don’t support in kind, it will tell me a great deal about you.

Please don’t be one of these writers that only wishes to speak about self, never has time to ask about me or others. Please don’t be so self-absorbed that you forget there are others out there with projects and stuff to share, too. Don’t care? Then don’t expect me to care about you!

How about you? Haven’t you had enough crap? Aren’t you tired?

Then stop enabling! Stop “putting up with” and start demanding better. The writer community can be a golden, helpful, learning place. Choke out the weeds. Burn off the rot. Seek higher ground. Breathe fresher air. Become energized by light. Shed everything that makes you tired. And anyone.

The thing that makes me the most tired? Those who are determined not to change, those who don’t try, and those who talk a good game, empty as it is.

I’m very tired. But I have the ability to change this. So do you. Here I go. No more crap, okay? All you people with your selfish, self-serving, senseless, useless, two-faced, compassionless, pointless, narcissistic usury, go elsewhere. We’re finished. I’m officially too tired to care for you.

As Yoda said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Care or don’t. Write or don’t. But let’s stop playing and pretending. ‘Nuff said. Rant over.

Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

The Vagaries of Social Media

Lately I’ve had some online friends who decided to pull back and disappear from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media sites. Most of them cite similar reasons for taking protracted breaks. Reasons include: stress, mental health, disgust, tiredness, lack of fun and time consuming. Ah, the vagaries of social media!

I did not want to be on Facebook but when my first book came out, my publisher practically insisted. “If you want to sell books you need an audience and to do that you need Facebook. And Twitter. And….

Well I was already on Twitter, and had been for about a year. But I dragged my feet about Facebook because I didn’t care to post about sneezing or what I ate for lunch, or how I spilled my coffee or where the cat threw up. I really did NOT want to be involved in such a banal, trivial and cliché world. But I joined.

I kept my interactions simple and limited myself to general notes on weather, inspiration, book promotion, and things about writing. Took me a while to learn how to fill everything out and make it work. Than I learned about the ability to have a “page” and more learning commenced as I tried to build an author page (which is why I was there in the first place).

When I started to find familiar faces “out there,” I settled in with a little more confidence. I still kept my personal interactions to a minimum and never disclosed anything too personal. I’m still this way. But gradually I began to see the trouble with “social” media” and why the vagaries sent people away.

I wanted, and still sometimes want, to go away too.

Seems we’ve forgotten how to be civil. We don’t allow people to have a personal opinion that differs with ours. We have forgotten how to debate and be respectful of others’ ideas. We don’t approve of people who are different. We are self-centered and narcissitic. If we aren’t selfie-ing our friends to death, we are meme-ing ad nauseum or else we are selling and selling and selling and selling. It gets tiresome and exhausting and boring and did I mention tiresome?

Social media has made us antisocial (not everyone, of course, I speak generally here). It seems to have brought out the bigots, the racists, the homophobes, the misogynists, the anti-everyone, the social media platform builders and sellers, the buy-me-and-no-one-else-crowds and the folks who drowned out my Notifications with their posts of 57 new pictures every day.

What happened to being social? Where is the “how are you?” Where are the folks who are interested in you just for you? Where are the people who can share a little and then engage a lot?

It is no wonder that people are stressed about social media. It’s a madhouse of nasty innuendo, bad language, constant buy-buy-buy or sell-sell-sell, political vitriol (it has to do with who is #45), sickness, excuses and complaints. People are taking a break by the droves because the vagaries of social media are turning us into people we don’t like. 

Knowing this I wonder why we can’t be different, better, more social and stress a lot less?

Take a good hard look at your feeds. If you are a business, then sell. But remember to gain notice you have to be social too. Are you putting out a thousand pictures all over everyone’s feed? Stop. Give me 10 now and maybe 10 more later. I don’t need every single photo of your trip. Or else use the custom notifications and send only to those who really want to know the intimate details.

Yes, let us see the new baby, the new kitty, the graduation, the success, the bestseller, the solo at church, the blue ribbon and the first day of school. We are interested in your big moments. But exercise some caution before you get in too deep about your personal life. (And as a suggestion, stop broadcasting to the public when you are away from the house. Use the friends only for that and keep yourself safer). Sharing is caring. Too much sharing is overkill. Social media has become the overkill valley. No wonder we’re all wanting to run away back to the lives we know and love.

Let’s do a little less finger pointing, harassing, shaming and bullying. Let’s be SOCIAL and be kind. Let’s be curious and interested about others even though you want to yell “BUY MY BOOK.”  Remember that social media serves a purpose. It’s not a retail store (unless you have a business page). Want to get some fans? Be social before you be the salesperson.

And stop letting the vagaries of social media drive you, your friends, and me away because we need to stop stressing, worrying and recovering. Let’s be FUN! There’s a thought, right?

Let’s make Social media a social thing again and maybe we won’t trouble ourselves with the vagaries ever again.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Good Monday, everyone. Instead of the usual Monday lesson or information article, I felt compelled to step on my soapbox and have a wee rant about Blog Etiquette, specifically, visiting blogs and responding to posts.

I love to visit my friends’ blogs. I enjoy reading about their adventures, vacations, family moments, or whatever lessons they feel are important. Reading about what others feel and do broadens my perspective and also helps me to stay in touch with people in a more personal way. Some are like digital newsletters while others are like family scrapbooks. But what is important to remember is that they are sharing personal things, whether it is a lesson or an intimate family vacation, the blog is theirs, their thoughts, their impressions, theirs.

It’s a little like visiting someone’s home. When you go to another’s house, I was taught to behave. In other words, you don’t put your feet on the table, or shoes on the furniture. You mind your manners and be gracious. And blogs are much the same as going to someone’s house — you are a guest to them.

Problem is people visiting blogs have forgotten how to act. Guests behave badly these days.

So let’s review some fundamentals and bone up on our manners.

1. When visiting a blog or posting on someone’s social media page, remember it is THEIR page, not yours. They have a right to write what they will.

2. If you don’t like what is written, you have the right to leave, move on, pass over the post.

3. If you don’t like what is written, and it is a public forum, you have the right to your own opinion and may offer a dissenting viewpoint. But remember to mind your manners. You may NOT attack the author. Just as you would not attack someone in a person’s home, so you do not do it in a public forum. 

4. Do not show up to sell something. That’s rude and spamming. Never use someone’s invitation to their blog as a means to solicit. If I invite you to my house, you don’t get to have a Tupperware sale, or a Come-To-Jesus meeting. That’s inappropriate, rude, and disrespectful to use people that way, in case no one ever told you that.

5. In today’s world, everyone seems to be a writer. That’s great! Do not use a shared connection (we’re both writers or painters or singers or mothers, etc.) to ask for help. That is inappropriate to solicit in public in a comment. If you want to reach out to a person because you want help or need to share, use contact forms or send private messages or use email (if known). Stop using comments to ask for help or solicit anything.

6. Remember that your comments should address what the post is about. If the person writes about a recipe, then comment about how you tried it, how it sounds, if your family makes something similar, or ask a question about the recipe. Do NOT branch out into how the recipe is used by politicians to solicit votes (just a far flung example, folks). In other words, be in the moment and focus on what the person is saying/writing about. Reminder, this is THEIR house, not yours.

7. Do NOT come to people’s posts to ask them to buy your products or view your page. That is spamming. Do you know the sign that says NO SOLICITING?

8. Mind your manners. If the poster speaks about winning an award, congratulate them. If you don’t feel the love, move on. No one said you had to be there. If you won the award too, share! If you are jealous and don’t feel the award program was worthwhile, don’t spew your negativity. That’s rude and is meant to drag down the other person. Take your hate elsewhere or write your own post about it. Remember you are to comment on what is, not what should be or wasn’t. Don’t be a troll.

9. If the poster asks for your opinion, by all means give one. But remember to mind your manners and watch your language. Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom to disparage or be foul. Would you do this inside of someone’s house as a guest? (If you would, then you need more manners than I can remind you of here!).

10. Remember that there are other means of expanding conversations if you feel it is warranted. Do NOT use other people’s posts as a means to advance yourself. Get your own blog for that, ok? Then maybe I’ll come and visit you.

11. Behavior as a commentor also defines you as a person. Are you trying to be seen as a professional in a like field as the poster? Perhaps in a field that may be of interest to the blog writer? Then act professional! People will notice those who carry themselves with a welcoming and professional attitude. Be a putz if you wish, but that will be your forever reputation. Is that what you really want? I hope not because that behavior can also get you deleted and blocked. That’s a huge UNWELCOME mat and people hear about folks who earned one.

Blogs are a good way to disseminate information, share photos, expand awareness, even approach controversy. I like them, and I like visiting them. But I never forget to mind my manners when I do.

I hope you will use and share these basic etiquette tips going forward. I think it will improve everyone’s experience as a poster and as a commentor.

Don’t forget that the owner of the residence has the right to toss you out on your ear should you be disruptive or unruly or downright nasty. The same holds true for online social media locations.

And as my mother always said, “always bring a gift when you are a guest.” If you can’t literally bring a gift, then let good manners be your present and the example for others.

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Did you participate in my NAME MY BAR CONTEST??  We have a winner!  Ann Nedich came up with the best idea and the new, trendy New Orleans bar will be called CLUB MALACHITE.

Rather appropriate since Dra’s eyes are green, the bar lights are green, and Dra just happens to own a malachite necklace which no one knew. I took that as Serendipity.

Congratulations Ann! You are now immortal. Have a Mini Malachite on the house!

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ATTENTION!   Going to do a FACEBOOK LIVE event on Wednesday March 29 at 7:30pm EDT.  It will be my first solo event, so come see me be foolish on my Facebook Author page.  I will be announcing something SPECIAL for April’s National Poetry Month. Remember to check out the archived video if you can’t join me live.

In honor of National Poetry Month, next Monday I will begin a series of articles about poetry, along with a schedule of when things will appear and special freebie book days! FREE! Stay tuned.

Thanks for joining me again. Please feel free to leave comments or use the contact form if you wish to reach me!

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry