I Love You. Maybe.

Contemporary romance is blooming. Book covers show couples embracing, sexy girls and guys are wrapped around sexy backs and fronts of other sexy girls and guys. Lips are barely touching and some covers how bared legs with creeping hands of guys and/or gals. Dark fiction is oozing blood and vampire eyes are shining bright with lust (or else its just colored lights). Even the titles are all about the romance: harems and lovers, his woman, her hero, his and her lovers. And the bedroom sheets are flying with “seduced, compelled, driven, broken, bound,” etc.

I really enjoy a good love story. They don’t have to be happy-ever-after ones either. I don’t mind if I cry or laugh as long as the story itself is well told. 

What I don’t enjoy is using love as a tool. “I love you,” he said — it’s not enough. Don’t tell me how much you love me. SHOW me. 

Valentine’s Day is upon us and soon the commercial snake will rear its head and lovers everywhere will receive chocolates and flowers, tokens of affection from sexy soaps to books, and couples will head out to that romantic dinner. I heard on the television that men will pay over $300 on the big day and women won’t pay more than $70. I don’t think I understand that difference but I can tell you that for me, if you really want to wow me with your love, SHOW ME.

Now I’m not knocking an engagement ring (though I really wish you wouldn’t propose on V-day since that’s so cliché). Or a dinner at a nice restaurant. And I’m not saying that a good tumble in the bed (or hay, or wherever) isn’t an exceptional way to express yourself.

But if you really want to say how much you love me, SHOW ME. Okay, you say, what does that really mean?

Good question. What does it mean when your character says those three little words. Are they magic? Are they meant to be nostalgic? Are they memorable moments never to be forgotten? Then make them that way.

Telling isn’t showing. Sure, saying the words is important. But if you really want to convey the message in your stories, then show characters DOING things that demonstrate the love.
     Making (and even burning) breakfast. In bed. On the patio. Camping.
     Cutting out a valentine card and making a mess. A lovely mess.
     Doing something domestic as a surprise.
     Growing the flowers that become the bouquet and plucking them, too.
     Making a mini movie.
     Making a photo album or scrapbook.
     Sending a remote controlled train or car with a message.

You get the idea. I want to feel the love coming out of the stories when I read them. I don’t want to read the words but I want to FEEL the love from the ACTIONS. If the characters demonstrate from the beginning or come around toward the end, then I will BELIEVE that the love is real.

And that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

It isn’t enough to say that you love someone. Anyone can do that. It means nothing without some action to support the words. Whether in real life or in your stories, what you show me beats what you say to me every time. In fact, the more you show me, the less you need to say to me.

“I love you.”   “I know.”

And we got that because of what we had seen. ‘Nuff said (and in case you never saw Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back,then you missed the greatest demonstration of love ever.)

So get out there this Valentine’s Day, and every day, and SHOW your cherished loves how much you care. Then when your actions are finally punctuated with the words, they will smile and say, “I know.” Because finally, they will.

* * *

As far as the “demonstrating” part goes, let it be those things we do everyday that we wouldn’t do if our most cherished other wasn’t around. Do you do ordinary things that are special because they are there? And if they weren’t there would you stop doing those things? These are demonstrations of love. 

Every day my beloved shows me how much he cares by making a cup of tea, picking up something special at the grocery story, doing a chore around the house that I usually do, anticipating my wants and taking action, making a meal, even doing the dishes. Ordinary things can be the loudest words you may ever hear. Are you listening?

Don’t stop saying, “I love you.” But if you really do, find ways to remove doubt and let the words be punctuation instead of the statement. 

Just like one bite is not enough for my vampires, give me more to sink my teeth into and I’m a believer in your love (and lovers) forever. There can be no “maybe.”

Thanks for showing me you care by coming to visit. I love you too.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

5 Reasons You Stopped Writing

Should I be ashamed if I don’t feel like writing today? What about for the entire week? Or a month? Am I losing my muse if I suddenly find myself not wanting to write?

First, NO. No, don’t feel ashamed if you need to step away. And don’t worry that you’ve lost your muse or your mojo or your ability to storytell, or any other nonsense.

I go through phases, too. There are days I can’t write fast enough, where the words flow like water and my fingers fly over the keyboard. Then there are those days when minutes tick by and I stare at the screen wondering what must come next. Most of the time, since I write every day, words are never far out of reach. Even on bad days. 

But I’m human. I get tired, sick, worried, caught up in the “real world.” There are days when I’m unhappy with a plot point or how the writing went the day prior and I don’t feel like dealing with it. I’m famous for taking a long break after participating in November’s National Novel Writing Month because November makes me tired and I want to forget a project for  a while.

A long time ago I learned how fragile and short life is and that I needed to take time for things other than writing. As a result, I stopped punishing myself when I didn’t feel like working on my current writing project, or writing the blog (this), or even journaling.

Some days I wanted to kick back and read. Some days I wanted to lie in bed and be sick. Other days I wanted to spend the entire day binging on Netflix. And I stopped punishing myself for wanting (or needing) to spend the day (or days) away from the desk.

HOWEVER (and you knew that was coming). If you’d rather spend more time away from your writing than writing, then there is more going on than being sick or tired. I’m not a book psychiatrist but usually when a writer stays away, there are real reasons. Here are the five most common ones as told to me by many writers:

     1. Fear. At some point we question whether or not we have “the chops” that it takes to sell a good book. We all get afraid that we don’t, then figure we don’t so we stop trying. Don’t listen to the doubt that creeps in. Keep pushing and trust yourself.
     2. Comparing. Stop comparing yourself to others. I know. It’s hard not to but stop. Comparing makes you feel insecure and inadequate and you’ll stop writing (see why at #1). Trust yourself. Each writer has something to contribute and you will find success if you work hard. Not everyone is going to be a NYT or USA Today best selling author. I know I have to prod myself on this one all the time. So listen to me. I’m an expert on this one.
     3. Worry that we aren’t going as fast as we “should.” Stop putting stress on yourself. Write for YOU and let it happen in its time. Some people can crank out six books a year. I’m a one or two book a year person. Many BIG authors are one book a year people. Do YOU. BE You. There is no “should.” Do not put extra stress or boundaries on yourself. That’s how you stress yourself needlessly.
     4. Time. Some people think they have to publish NOW. The sense of urgency is a false application due to #2 and #1.  I hear 20-somethings saying they have to write a book and get published. And then there is me who published her first book at age 59. Sure I was in small presses, newspapers, anthologies and online magazines but I felt I had to get a book out there or I never would. I applied terrible pressure on myself. Again. publish when its time. There is no rush but the one you put on yourself. Don’t do it until you’ve done your homework and done your very best work.
     5. Bored. This is the one we all dread. When doing nothing feels better than writing, then I might say you should worry. But I won’t. I think you need to change projects, try something new, write for a new medium. We writers tend to drift away when what we are writing stops exciting us. If that happens, then walk away from that project and start a new one. What you are writing should be an adventure for you each time you sit down to work. When it doesn’t feel good anymore, then take that break. It’s okay!
     I write every day. Not everything I write will be published or be something I can (or would) share with others. I exercise my muse and attempt to keep her strong. But there will be days when I need a break. In that case, recharge. I believe we all need to step away, see new things, go new places, discover new vistas and meet new people. This is how our writing continues to be fresh and exciting. We must feed the muse new stuff. Or it, like us, gets bored and stale.

Don’t feel like writing today? Discover why and then forgive yourself. There will be days when you are sick, or just tired. It’s okay! There will be days when the kids need more from you than writing does. It’s okay! There will be days when you want to read someone else’s book. It’s okay.

Stop punishing yourself for needing change or a break. But do recognize what is truly happening and don’t allow yourself to stop writing for the wrong (unnecessary) reasons.

You have much to offer. So do I. Everything has intermissions, pauses, breaks, time outs. Allow yourself to enjoy them and your writing will endure.

(Don’ forget, even championship contests have overtime. You can do that too).

Don’t feel like writing today? Fine. Then go fly a kite. I’m going to bake some bread. The break will do us both good. Just remember, this is guilt free. Tomorrow, we’ll be back at it again.

Thanks for reading.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Are You Using the Wrong Slang?

Writers are a quirky lot. We love to learn new things. Our web browser search histories are filled with oddities like phrases in Klingon, odorless poisons, how to build a rocket and where are most of the bodies buried? (Not really but it sounded good).

One mistake we writers often make, despite our best efforts, is we forget to use the appropriate language defined by the era we’re writing in. Many writers have confused Edwardian dress with Victorian, Asian with Roman, Slavic with Visigoth. Worse, were dialogue lives and makes our writing truly sing, we select the wrong words for our chosen timeline.

I know I’ve done it. I’ve referenced movies that hadn’t been made yet or used a slang term that was before my character’s birth.  In our effort to be real, we sometimes forget and use the words we are familiar with or words we’ve become accustomed to using, forgetting they were long before our time or our story’s.

Today I’m giving you some examples of slang terms from different eras, terms that NO ONE should be using anymore unless you need them for your stories. My advice to you is to be sure of your timeline and check yourself. Ask your beta readers to check too.

The age of your readers will determine how your language is absorbed. Old slang for young readers and you’re losing them (or worse, they know you are out of touch). Old slang for older readers and you’ve hooked them with your savvy. New slang for old readers and you’ve lost them as they turn pages looking to be grounded again. Words matter.

Here are some examples of things NO ONE SHOULD BE SAYING these days and words you should only use in the decades where they were born. Make your stories have truth and validity and be sparing.

From the 1950s where we used terms that were wordy, wanting to be heard and clever, pencil skirts, poodle skirts:

made in the shade
burn rubber
pad (not with an “I”
ankle biters
beat feet
cruisin’ for a bruisin’
wet rag
downer

From the 60s with Vietnam, the Beatles, bell bottoms and hippies:

far out
bummer
foxy
can you dig it
old lady (as in wife)
hang loose
lay it on me
split (as in leave)

From the 70s with pet rocks, Watergate, shag carpet and disco balls:

catch you on the flip side
The Man (meaning the police)
cool beans
spaz
chill pill
space cadet
out to lunch (meaning not right in the head or spacey)
keep on truckin’

From the 80s with shoulder pads, still smoking on planes, and sneakers without laces:

gag me with a spoon
Phat
gnarly
have a cow
Word!
tubular
bounce (as in leave)

From the 90s with slap bracelets, flannel and Skechers, and Pearl Jam:

schwing (Wayne’s World anyone?)
kick him to the curb
talk to the hand
as if!
booyah
Not! (took the place of “Psych!” which is also a no-no)
What-EVER
getting jiggy (thanks Will Smith)
you go girl!

You may find that you say many of these phrases. Sometimes we get them from growing up, the variety of our friends or simple habits from traveling. Use what you will but don’t do it when you write.

I find that I cross a multitude of decades. Must be my age. Or I’m well-traveled. Or I do it to confuse you. HA!

Remember, what you say dates you, your stories and your characters. Keep it real, dude (um, from the 90s!)

Thanks to Best Life online for the references!

Thanks for coming by,
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

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