Name Your Fear

I’ve written about fear before now–how fear can motivate and even inspire you. We’ve looked at writers’ fear of being rejected by publishers, laughed at by readers, scorned by fellow writers, and even the dread that fills up our Halloween daymares.

This is different. Sometimes we are afraid of things and we don’t even realize we’re afraid until we are faced with the moment and YIKES! Suddenly we discover we are afraid! And fear can cause us to react in strange ways. Plus not everyone’s reactions are the same or even logical. But we can learn and understand them.

Take me for instance. I am afraid of heights. I get weak in the knees and dizzy if I am up to high without safely assurances. I have a hard time looking over a railing into any abyss. When I went to the Eiffel tower in Paris, I was surrounded by so much metal and I had plenty to hold on to while I peered down. But when I was on a cruise ship, I stepped out onto my balcony and, as my husband leaned over the railing, I hung back, peeked over the edge and backed up into a balcony chair. All I could envision were the people I’d heard about who fell off a cruise ship from their balcony. No thanks!

But what are those fears? Wouldn’t you like to understand what is the name of the fear that makes you want to scream? Well, I did and here are some of my favorites. 

Almost everyone gets bug-eyed when they hear Arachnophobia. See that spider? RUN! Seriously, some people do run when they see one. 

Anyone see the movie IT? Ah yes, the clown that terrifies! That’s known as Coulrophobia. And it’s one reason why the circus stopped having clowns run amuck through the audiences — because children seem to have a natural wariness of the weird smiling, face-painted person who is big and tall and seems to leer at them. (SHUDDER). Then along came Stephen King. (GULP)

Would you like me to tell your fortune? Yes? Give me your last three address numbers. What? No? Afraid of numbers? Ah yes, that’s known as Numerophobia. People suffering with this odd fear have a difficult time in school because math is scary. (I hated math too).

What about people who are afraid of everything in general? These folks jump at everything because they don’t know what’s coming. It’s a real fear of the unknown and called Xenophobia.

And how about the people who insist they wear sunglasses? No, they aren’t vampires or just being cool. No, they aren’t hiding swollen pupils from drugs (well, I guess they could be any of those). You might be surprised to learn that they are afraid of —— colors. Yup, and it’s real and its called Chromophobia. Imagine being afraid to see the world in all its glory. Kinda makes you sad, doesn’t it?

There are many others, fear of heights is called Acrophobia. It is especially nasty because it strikes even when you aren’t very high up and can be terrifying. It happened to me once standing on a regular 6 ft ladder and I was only on the third step.
Here are a couple more that may make you raise and eyebrow but are truly terrifying to whomever is feeling it:

Arachibutyrophobia – the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

Allodoxaphobia – the fear of people’s opinions (this usually goes with a fear of confrontation).

Didaskaleinophobia – the fear of going to school (usually in children 7-10 yrs) and usually comes from a result of bullying.

* *

Fear can strike anyone for any number of reasons. Being anxious is not the same as being afraid and it is important to know the difference. Overcoming our anxieties is doable alone. But if you, or someone else, suffers from a deep fear (even triskaidekaphobia which is the morbid fear of the number 13), I encourage professional help and never laugh. Ridicule strengthens fear. Compassion and understanding are the only aids we can, and should, offer.

Whatever your fears are, learning to know them and deal with them is important. My mom used to say, “if you give your fear a name, you take away its power.” I tried that with my fear of heights, and it didn’t take away my fear but I didn’t feel silly anymore because I knew what I felt was real and not imagined (phobophobia is the fear of fears).

And when something is real, it can be beaten. So, what are you afraid of?

Thanks for not being afraid to come by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

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I Love You. Maybe.

Contemporary romance is blooming. Book covers show couples embracing, sexy girls and guys are wrapped around sexy backs and fronts of other sexy girls and guys. Lips are barely touching and some covers how bared legs with creeping hands of guys and/or gals. Dark fiction is oozing blood and vampire eyes are shining bright with lust (or else its just colored lights). Even the titles are all about the romance: harems and lovers, his woman, her hero, his and her lovers. And the bedroom sheets are flying with “seduced, compelled, driven, broken, bound,” etc.

I really enjoy a good love story. They don’t have to be happy-ever-after ones either. I don’t mind if I cry or laugh as long as the story itself is well told. 

What I don’t enjoy is using love as a tool. “I love you,” he said — it’s not enough. Don’t tell me how much you love me. SHOW me. 

Valentine’s Day is upon us and soon the commercial snake will rear its head and lovers everywhere will receive chocolates and flowers, tokens of affection from sexy soaps to books, and couples will head out to that romantic dinner. I heard on the television that men will pay over $300 on the big day and women won’t pay more than $70. I don’t think I understand that difference but I can tell you that for me, if you really want to wow me with your love, SHOW ME.

Now I’m not knocking an engagement ring (though I really wish you wouldn’t propose on V-day since that’s so cliché). Or a dinner at a nice restaurant. And I’m not saying that a good tumble in the bed (or hay, or wherever) isn’t an exceptional way to express yourself.

But if you really want to say how much you love me, SHOW ME. Okay, you say, what does that really mean?

Good question. What does it mean when your character says those three little words. Are they magic? Are they meant to be nostalgic? Are they memorable moments never to be forgotten? Then make them that way.

Telling isn’t showing. Sure, saying the words is important. But if you really want to convey the message in your stories, then show characters DOING things that demonstrate the love.
     Making (and even burning) breakfast. In bed. On the patio. Camping.
     Cutting out a valentine card and making a mess. A lovely mess.
     Doing something domestic as a surprise.
     Growing the flowers that become the bouquet and plucking them, too.
     Making a mini movie.
     Making a photo album or scrapbook.
     Sending a remote controlled train or car with a message.

You get the idea. I want to feel the love coming out of the stories when I read them. I don’t want to read the words but I want to FEEL the love from the ACTIONS. If the characters demonstrate from the beginning or come around toward the end, then I will BELIEVE that the love is real.

And that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

It isn’t enough to say that you love someone. Anyone can do that. It means nothing without some action to support the words. Whether in real life or in your stories, what you show me beats what you say to me every time. In fact, the more you show me, the less you need to say to me.

“I love you.”   “I know.”

And we got that because of what we had seen. ‘Nuff said (and in case you never saw Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back,then you missed the greatest demonstration of love ever.)

So get out there this Valentine’s Day, and every day, and SHOW your cherished loves how much you care. Then when your actions are finally punctuated with the words, they will smile and say, “I know.” Because finally, they will.

* * *

As far as the “demonstrating” part goes, let it be those things we do everyday that we wouldn’t do if our most cherished other wasn’t around. Do you do ordinary things that are special because they are there? And if they weren’t there would you stop doing those things? These are demonstrations of love. 

Every day my beloved shows me how much he cares by making a cup of tea, picking up something special at the grocery story, doing a chore around the house that I usually do, anticipating my wants and taking action, making a meal, even doing the dishes. Ordinary things can be the loudest words you may ever hear. Are you listening?

Don’t stop saying, “I love you.” But if you really do, find ways to remove doubt and let the words be punctuation instead of the statement. 

Just like one bite is not enough for my vampires, give me more to sink my teeth into and I’m a believer in your love (and lovers) forever. There can be no “maybe.”

Thanks for showing me you care by coming to visit. I love you too.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Welcome to the Midpoint National Novel Writing Month

A personal letter to every participating WriMo,

3…2…1…you lifted off on 1 Nov 2018 for a writing journey that is unlike any other. First time doing the National Novel Writing Month? Feeling a little lost? Long time writer but wondering, “now what?” As you stare at your journal or computer….

Imagine what it was like for the first Apollo astronauts on their way to the moon. How exciting the liftoff was, how nervous they were with all the hype, how there was so much to do in the beginning and then —

Then they managed to get halfway to the moon, and it was dark and cold and the excitement was there but doubts and worry snuck into their dreams. What were they doing? How did they think they could do this amazing thing? What if they failed? What waited for them when they got to the moon? The questions filled their minds and maybe they were just a little bit afraid of the dark, of the unknown, and even of themselves.

This is how it may go for some writers when they hit the middle of NaNoWriMo–it is dark and cold and unknown. Doubts have set in, excitement has waned and now becomes more work than fun. And there is wonder about what they are doing, if it is even worth it, if the story matters, if they can finish, and so on. It is like being in the great vacuum of space, dark and cold.

I’m here to tell you that the mid-point of the month is called a lot of things by lots of authors (my favorite is Jim Butcher’s the Great Swampy Middle), but overall it is the same for everyone. Doubts and fear create a bit of nervous uncertainty as the shiny glow of the month wears off. What now, you ask? Here’s a little advice from a WriMo veteran.

   –First, Trust Yourself. You had a plan, even if you are pantsing it. You have tales to tell. So keep telling them.

   –Next, Focus. Don’t deviate from your path. Imagine what would have happened to the space program if the astronauts chickened out? So whether you are in the middle age, middle of the book, middle of a race, keep focused. Otherwise you will veer off course and lose your way like so many before you.

   –Then, Understand. The middle is necessary. Nothing is achieved by starting and finishing without something in the middle. The astronauts probably felt tension and nervousness. They expected it and didn’t fear it. So it must be for you. Let your characters feel this uncertainty but don’t you fear it.

   –Finally, Believe. Don’t make excuses. Don’t look for a way out. The best way is always through according to Robert Frost. Like those astronauts, you need to steer straight ahead. When you believe you can, you will. Eventually the distance to the moon closed and suddenly the astronauts were there and winging their way back home. Climax and ending.

You signed on for a cosmic journey this year, becoming your own astronaut in an adventure of literary and personal exploration. I have every faith that you can succeed. Believe in yourself and your project and you will be splashing back down to Earth in two weeks, beginning with one heck of a tale to tell about your journey. And that tale is one we are all hoping to read.

It all began with 50,000 words.

Today you’re hitting around 20,000 or maybe you’ve done a slingshot around the moon and are cruising at over 25,000. Even if you’re floating at 15,000, great work! I believe you can do it. The astronauts believed and look how far we went: Apollo, Space Shuttle, Space Station. Let this small cold moment in the middle of space be the momentum for your amazing finish! Next stop, Mars!

The midpoint? The name is only a marker. Like saying the cup is half full. We both know you are going to finish now. You’ve come this far, seen the dark side of the moon and now you turn your face to the home. Your Earth. Good luck explorers. I can’t wait to read about your adventures.

Hang on tight! The Earth’s gravity is pulling you back and your trip is almost over. You can do it!

____________________________________________________________

Next time we meet here, let’s talk turkey…and gratitude. Thank you!

Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry