What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Today is the venerable President’s Day. And yes, it’s with an apostrophe “s” and not an “s” apostrophe. It is not a multiple presidents’ day, though many believe that it is and truthfully, it sometimes is. Confused? President’s Day is actually President Washington’s Birthday remembered. Today we celebrate our founding father’s birth with cherry pie (or any cherry desserts) because supposedly George said, “I cannot tell a lie; I chopped down the cherry tree.” That statement is much debated but given February 20 is National Cherry Pie day, why not serve some?

Anyway, back to President’s Day. It isn’t actually Washngton’s birthday. That’s on the 22nd. But we needed to celebrate him so we made his birth a federal holiday (that Monday holiday law which I will not debate here). No, we don’t celebrate Lincoln’s Birthday because that was the 12th. Though, we do often lump both presidents together because it’s convenient and saves our making a second holiday. People often believe that Washington’s friend and future president Andrew Jackson was included in this President’s Day and that’s incorrect. Jackson’s birthday isn’t until March 15.

So what are we really celebrating? Besides celebrating our first President and one of the founding fathers, we are also celebrating the successors to the office of the Presidency, right? At least that is what Nixon wanted but that would be a falsehood if you believe that. Neither Congress, nor Nixon, changed the official name of the holiday.  No, we are only celebrating Washington’s Birthday.

Yes, a lot of finagling has gone on over the holidays and moving them to Mondays, and what date was original (Julian vs Gregorian calendars). But what matters right now is the day is called Washington’s Birthday and is meant to recognize one man. Just to be sure there’s no doubt about what day the government celebrates, Washington’s Farewell Address is read aloud in the Senate, a tradition that began in 1862. 

So what else is important? We give tribute to Washington because he was the general who created the first military badge of merit for the common soldier; in fact, there were three.

The Badge of Distinction for veterans non commissioned officers and soldiers who served more than three years and a second badge for non commissioned officers who served honorably more than six years. The last, and probably the most notable and historic, is the Badge of Merit. Described as: “whenever any singularly meritorious action is performed, the author of it shall be permitted to wear on his facings over the left breast, the figure of a heart in purple cloth, or silk, edged with narrow lace or binding.” 

This Badge of Merit was given only three times during the American Revolution. But it became the reason behind General MacArthur’s behest for the Purple Heart in 1932.  Thus, George Washington’s face became the stamp on the front of the Purple Heart Medal. 

For this reason we can remember and honor our Founding President with pride. Sure, he was human and had slaves and was flawed in major ways. But I’m a retired, non-combat veteran and I am proud that this founding president thought so much of his soldiers that he wanted to reward them for sacrifice and service. He was the first and I am grateful.

We have 44 presidents since General Washington. Some we will never forget, some we will never remember. But of all who stood beside our flag, this first president was a man who cherished his servicemen, stood and fought beside them, worried over them, cried for them and cheered with them. He believed that honor was in how you served, how you behaved, and how you lived. Those beliefs made him a strong President on which to build a government.

He was the first. Happy Birthday General and President Washington. I salute you.

Thanks for stopping in.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

The holidays came to and end for me on Saturday, January 6, as I celebrated Epiphany. Understand, I’m not a overtly religious person and I don’t wave my faith around for others to witness, but my holidays are overflowing with traditions and celebrating Epiphany is one of them. Epiphany is the day that follows Twelfth Night or the 12th day after Christmas. Basically, this day is believed to celebrate the arrival of the Magi to the stable where Jesus lay. The traveling magi followed the star of Bethlehem to the stable’s location and it took them 12 days to make the journey. Twelfth Night celebrates their arrival.

In today’s world, most use Epiphany as the day when Christmas decorations come down, a tradition that has been in practice since the Victorian era. Many people practice this and claim to use the date for removal of the holiday sparkle but few understand why. Whether you use Twelfth Night or Epiphany, there is a basis for removing your decorations.

The tradition goes that it is unlucky to remove decorations prior to 12th Night and if they aren’t removed by Epiphany then they should remain up all year (takers anyone?). Until the 19th century, people left decorations up until Candlemas Day on February 2 (the 40th day of Epiphany and celebrates other Christian events).

Going back to medieval and pagan traditions, it was once believed that tree spirits lived in the greenery – such as holly, ivy and pine cones – which decorated homes. During the holiday season, being indoors provided shelter for these delicate spirits but had to be released once the celebrations ended. If they were not, then fields and gardens did not return and agricultural and food problems resulted. So great seriousness was placed on the traditions.

And though today there is so much commercial glitter and gloss to Christmas decorations, there are so many, like me, who still adhere to the “old ways.” 

For example, I have a very old crèche that goes under the tree during the holidays. Why does it go there? Because the tree symbolizes the star (my tree is topped with an angel) and after Christmas, the tree lights signify the star that lights the way. When I was little, even the magi were moved closer and closer to the crèche so that they stood in the doorway to this little stable by the time 12th Night arrived and the wonder was fulfilled.

 
(mine is like this sample)

Such is Epiphany. It is also a symbol for the writer in me. I slowed down and then ceased most of my working writer time from the end of NaNoWriMo (Nov 30) until Saturday and Epiphany. There were too many distractions and I felt I needed to step back and regroup. After all, I did publish two books in 2017 and won several awards. I completed several freelance editing jobs and continued mentoring several young writers. I felt tired and I needed to feel the holidays, appreciate the moment, and find my own Epiphany.

What does that mean? I needed to realize the reason for my own season. To find the purpose in myself and why I needed to continue writing. In centering myself I rediscovered purpose and desires.

Whatever your personal religious beliefs, beyond the glitz and glam of the holidays season (whatever you do or do not celebrate), I hope you found your own Epiphany and are now prepared to bring focus and energy back to your work and your writing. The renewal is important to your continued success or to finding your initial success.

And even as you do this for yourself, I will ask you how do your characters celebrate? Have you any holidays for them? Do you even think of giving them the traditions that include some sort of pagan or religious reasons in their life and purpose? You don’t have to be religious to realize that every person has some sort of raison d’etre (reason for being).

As this year moves forward, I hope you find your epiphany. In other words, I hope you find that something that is very important to you, that fulfills you and gives you understanding of yourself and your role as a writer and a person.

And I don’t mind if your decorations are still up. I like the sparklies too and loathe to see them come down. I may leave mine up til Mardi Gras! (just kidding. Maybe.)

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 Allow me to wish everyone a belated Happy New Year and thank you for all your support in 2017. Stay tuned — going to have some fun this year.

I remain, as always,