The Positive of Negative Emotions

…and how to use them for yourself and your characters.

Life is a study of emotions. We often cruise through our days, months and years, barely aware of what’s going on outside of ourselves, perhaps only peripherally aware of our neighbors, too aware of what the news offers, and oblivious to what goes on outside of our scope of interest. I put to you that being more aware of the emotional landscape in your world benefits you personally as well as your character writing — specifically, the negative emotions no one like to feel or discuss.

Authors love to delve into character backgrounds, researching history, culture, even underwear when it suits them (or they have a need to bare it all. Ahem). We will give characters seedy backgrounds, give them physical wounds, and even childhood issues, but few use the darker or more negative emotional wounds/issues to character benefit (unless creating villains). I believe this hurts our characters and handicaps us both as people and as storytellers.

Let me give you a few examples of negative emotions and how each benefits you and your writing when viewed positively.

GUILT:  We all know the dark side of guilt. We do or say something and suddenly we feel bad that we’ve caused harm, or tears. We didn’t mean to break the vase and feel guilty because we know we shouldn’t have been skating in the house. Mom is mad and we are guilty (and punished). So where is the gem here? Guilt proves that we have a conscience. Guilt is the other side of apathy. If we didn’t care, there is no guilt and that’s the true negative. Feeling guilty shows there is a moral compass that can be used over and over for a characters growth. Guilt for past deeds is fodder for actions in the future. Guilt is a foundation for relationships meant to be positive. Guilt is more than a one-and-done happening.

SHAME:  We feel badly when we do something which hurts others when we could have prevented it. We feel badly when we see others mistreated or used by someone else. Shame comes because we have learned what is and isn’t acceptable in speech or behavior or belief. It proves – and here is the positive – that we have a moral compass. Someone you love tells a  lie about someone else and you are ashamed of them. Your moral compass is pinging. It proves that you have learned that certain kinds of pain are wrong. The gift is that in feeling shame, you know how to find relief and pride. Shame can build character. Take a police officer who built a career on  a past shame and is now incorruptible.

ANGER: Being mad is one of those emotions that can be both good and bad. You’ve heard of “justifiable homicide?” Murder when the person had it coming? But what about simpler anger. Anger that is so deep that it ruins relationships. Such anger can test our moral compass, re: homicide. Hot anger seems like the unforgiveable negative but au contraire! Let us not forget Shakespeare’s warning, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” In other words, let cooler heads prevail and when you have calmed down enact a revenge that the other never saw coming. So what’s the positive of anger? Anger demonstrats what your personal limits are and pushes you to test your moral compass. You reach the edge of your abyss and either you fall in or you step back. For a character to discover that edge gives them a wonderful control of self. And a useful tool against others who seek to manipulate, too. Use anger carefully.

FEAR: We all know about “fight or flight” syndrome and how fear will motivate or paralyze. The negative part of fear is becoming insecure. Fear can still thrust a soldier into battle or paralyze them into being shot. Fear is deadly. The upside to fear is how it creates change. Overcoming fear can break inhibitions or create new ones. Coming to grips with fear also teaches a person to trust personal instincts. And good instincts are a character’s gem. Use fear to make positive change and memorable, useful, experiences.

GRIEF: If you’ve lost a childhood friend, a family pet, a relative or cried over a character in a book or a movie, you’ve known grief. The level of attachment defines the depth. And that depth is the positive aspect we need for greater characters. Without grieving, we are shallow, septic, apathetic and even anti-social. Grief is the obvious truth of caring. Grieving is change, development, growth for relationships, a mantra for change. The mother who lost four children due to miscarriages gives up having any children and stops having sex because of a fear of more losses. The grief has changed her entire outlook of sex, relationships, her abilities and her function in life. And suddenly an abandoned child is thrust into her life and she needs bone marrow….and we have a match. Now the moral fiber opens and so does a heart. Grief can make positive changes when carefully managed.

These are only a few examples of how we need to use the positive side of negative emotions. Using this method to peel away the sour, provides special depth to characters and makes them unforgettable and more like real people. We need to find positives in the negatives for ourselves too, and if we don’t know how, then begin with characters. You’ll find your way by learning through them, just as your readers will.

Happy Writing!

Don’t forget to join me for my next Facebook Live chat on May 26, 11 a.m. on my author page.

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I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

This week I thought it would be fun to answer some questions that fellow writers sent me. I offer these writing issues with my personal opinions for possible solutions.

Let’s begin with a big one I get asked repeatedly:

I want to write but I just can’t find a way to begin. I’m blocked. I feel the words but can’t get them down on paper. Now I’m not sure I’ll ever write. ~Susan, Calif.

Hi Susan. First, I don’t believe in writer’s block (never did). I think I can help you with my trick. When I feel overwhelmed with lots of ideas, I do a brain dump. I have a variety of notebooks for just this sort of issue. First, I have a notebook for “ideas.” These are the random things I think about but aren’t sure what to do with them yet. Then I have a notebook for every book/project I’m working on. I keep those ideas together and that’s to be sure I don’t lose any story gems I think about but can’t write about just yet. Next, I have a notebook for research. You know those things you learn but it isn’t trivia and it isn’t a story (yet) but you think you might need it? I call this my Random Facts book. Very handy.  With these notebooks, I ensure that my ideas are captured and my brain is emptied of the clutter. This allows me to have a sharper focus on what I need or want to do and I’m not fighting my own ideas. 

Then you just begin. Don’t worry if it isn’t the actual beginning of a story or novel. Just start writing. Aren’t sure where the story is going to go? Don’t rub that wound, just let the writing out. Go ahead and do that crazy dialogue you’ve been fuming over. Write that creative description of that house. Take the car ride and tell us what you see. Just start. The rest will come. Hope this helps.

I have to do research for my story but I don’t know how to stop. I love it and my writing stops when I start searching. Then It’s hard to start again. ~Ted, MD

Good question, Ted. I love research too. I confess I’ve spent days lost in my search for cool stuff. When I was writing THE GYPSY THORN, I learned so much history, reading about Vienna, trade routes, churches and royalty that I felt I could write a college paper with ease. I printed off gobs of goodies and that is my secret. First, as I told Susan (above), you jot your notes down or you print the stuff off the computer (be sure to keep your bibliography and NEVER plagiarize from others). I like to be able to re-read my research later. To be sure I don’t get lost I either set a timer and stick to it or set aside a day just for that one thing. Then I don’t feel guilty or feel as though I’ve neglected my main work. When I find what I need I stop (most of the time). If I have found other goodies, I bookmark or make the notes in my notebook for the next designated research time. I recommend no more than three days a week if you have a great deal to do or an hour a day if that is more to your needs. Remember when you have your info to go back to that place and start writing about it. This would be in your first draft so don’t worry if it isn’t all “perfect.” Time to fix it later. You’ll do great. Happy hunting.

Since when do we take nouns and make them verbs? Don’t we have real words that we can use? ~Mary, GA

Hi Mary. I’m going to confess your question made me laugh. I often complain about language and how it’s used by others. In this case, I think I see what you mean. For example, author becomes “authoring,” right? And the one that bugs me is “adult” becomes “adulating.” It is curious how words become fads and then go mainstream so fast. But sometimes there just aren’t any words that accurately describe a thing. Take “groovy.”  The word was a jazz term in the 1920’s and mean the player was “in the groove” of the music which came when vinyl records were produced. When the music was “swinging” or “in the pocket” it was in the groove (as in the lay of the record). So in the 60’s, the word matched the feel of a new generation of music and once again, it described the sensation but for a new style of music. It was still the same word but with a new generation of applied feeling. So it is with authoring. I suppose you can say “I’m working on my author duties,” or “I’m making my plans for selling books” but in the spirt of being to the point and succinct, authoring will do. I’ve done the same with words. I’ve used this technique in poetry with great success, Check out my poems The Paper Cut Murder or The Hangnail Prison.  My word “dump-trucked” drew lots of laughter but my book PAPER BONES won awards. I think you should try your hand at creating new words for what you need to say. And I will agree – we say “authoring” and “adulting” waaaay too much. I’m going to make a note for myself. Thanks!

There’s too much to learn and I just want to write. ~Chrystal, TN

Oh I feel this one! I have said the same thing, Chrystal. Writers, as with any profession, are constantly learning their craft. Writing isn’t something you learn once and then go write. Formatting always changes, style changes, even how to write effective dialogue improves and sharpens. Strong writers are plugged into trade magazines, editors, blogs, conferences, groups, and books for the never-ending plethora of writing advice. There are moments, I know, when you feel as though you haven’t learned anything and get frustrated. Happens to everyone. Just keep writing. Practice what you’re learning by doing some writing exercises every day. Like every athlete works out, so you can work out your writing muscles to help make what you are learning become what you are writing. Never stop learning. Stay up-to-date. But never stop writing. You’ll get a rhythm and eventually, the exhaustive reading/learning becomes a part of you. Stay focused.

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Thanks for writing! If I didn’t answer your question here, you probably got an email from me. I like hearing from you, so keep those thoughts coming! Feel free to use the Contact Me form to reach out.

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UPDATES: ** Work progresses on the new book, LOVE AND BLOOD. I took some time off to be sure I was going in the direction I planned and I’ve been working steadily since mid-February. 

**I’m also doing work on some “vignettes” — short “moments” that take place inside stories that don’t make it into books or character insights that are simply fun and not valuable in the main stories. These partial mini-stories help to understand characters and put some events into context. I would like to have these out this year, too.

**Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram. Every Monday I showcase a new pen. I see a book coming on my pens after a year of them (they end late summer, so it will be late this year or early next year for the picture book).

**FACEBOOK LIVE! The monthly chat will Mar 24. Don’t miss out on the fun. I’m giving away some goodies.

As always, thanks for coming by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry