The Positive of Negative Emotions

…and how to use them for yourself and your characters.

Life is a study of emotions. We often cruise through our days, months and years, barely aware of what’s going on outside of ourselves, perhaps only peripherally aware of our neighbors, too aware of what the news offers, and oblivious to what goes on outside of our scope of interest. I put to you that being more aware of the emotional landscape in your world benefits you personally as well as your character writing — specifically, the negative emotions no one like to feel or discuss.

Authors love to delve into character backgrounds, researching history, culture, even underwear when it suits them (or they have a need to bare it all. Ahem). We will give characters seedy backgrounds, give them physical wounds, and even childhood issues, but few use the darker or more negative emotional wounds/issues to character benefit (unless creating villains). I believe this hurts our characters and handicaps us both as people and as storytellers.

Let me give you a few examples of negative emotions and how each benefits you and your writing when viewed positively.

GUILT:  We all know the dark side of guilt. We do or say something and suddenly we feel bad that we’ve caused harm, or tears. We didn’t mean to break the vase and feel guilty because we know we shouldn’t have been skating in the house. Mom is mad and we are guilty (and punished). So where is the gem here? Guilt proves that we have a conscience. Guilt is the other side of apathy. If we didn’t care, there is no guilt and that’s the true negative. Feeling guilty shows there is a moral compass that can be used over and over for a characters growth. Guilt for past deeds is fodder for actions in the future. Guilt is a foundation for relationships meant to be positive. Guilt is more than a one-and-done happening.

SHAME:  We feel badly when we do something which hurts others when we could have prevented it. We feel badly when we see others mistreated or used by someone else. Shame comes because we have learned what is and isn’t acceptable in speech or behavior or belief. It proves – and here is the positive – that we have a moral compass. Someone you love tells a  lie about someone else and you are ashamed of them. Your moral compass is pinging. It proves that you have learned that certain kinds of pain are wrong. The gift is that in feeling shame, you know how to find relief and pride. Shame can build character. Take a police officer who built a career on  a past shame and is now incorruptible.

ANGER: Being mad is one of those emotions that can be both good and bad. You’ve heard of “justifiable homicide?” Murder when the person had it coming? But what about simpler anger. Anger that is so deep that it ruins relationships. Such anger can test our moral compass, re: homicide. Hot anger seems like the unforgiveable negative but au contraire! Let us not forget Shakespeare’s warning, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” In other words, let cooler heads prevail and when you have calmed down enact a revenge that the other never saw coming. So what’s the positive of anger? Anger demonstrats what your personal limits are and pushes you to test your moral compass. You reach the edge of your abyss and either you fall in or you step back. For a character to discover that edge gives them a wonderful control of self. And a useful tool against others who seek to manipulate, too. Use anger carefully.

FEAR: We all know about “fight or flight” syndrome and how fear will motivate or paralyze. The negative part of fear is becoming insecure. Fear can still thrust a soldier into battle or paralyze them into being shot. Fear is deadly. The upside to fear is how it creates change. Overcoming fear can break inhibitions or create new ones. Coming to grips with fear also teaches a person to trust personal instincts. And good instincts are a character’s gem. Use fear to make positive change and memorable, useful, experiences.

GRIEF: If you’ve lost a childhood friend, a family pet, a relative or cried over a character in a book or a movie, you’ve known grief. The level of attachment defines the depth. And that depth is the positive aspect we need for greater characters. Without grieving, we are shallow, septic, apathetic and even anti-social. Grief is the obvious truth of caring. Grieving is change, development, growth for relationships, a mantra for change. The mother who lost four children due to miscarriages gives up having any children and stops having sex because of a fear of more losses. The grief has changed her entire outlook of sex, relationships, her abilities and her function in life. And suddenly an abandoned child is thrust into her life and she needs bone marrow….and we have a match. Now the moral fiber opens and so does a heart. Grief can make positive changes when carefully managed.

These are only a few examples of how we need to use the positive side of negative emotions. Using this method to peel away the sour, provides special depth to characters and makes them unforgettable and more like real people. We need to find positives in the negatives for ourselves too, and if we don’t know how, then begin with characters. You’ll find your way by learning through them, just as your readers will.

Happy Writing!

Don’t forget to join me for my next Facebook Live chat on May 26, 11 a.m. on my author page.

Want to be in the know before others? Sign up and receive my monthly newsletter for giveaways, first looks, sneak peeks and sales.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

What Mother’s Day Offers Writers

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I lost my mom over a decade ago and the loss never truly goes away. I thought of her and deeply missed her. And, as I often do, I thought about writing and how my loss – and the emotions attached to that loss – could relate to my characters. Am I fully using my experiences? Do I include these emotions or tap into them for maximum impact in my writing?

The answer in this case is no, not really. In my poetry, I have written about and delved into loss, like this:

“Love isn’t only what we have while we’re alive.
It’s the strength we’re given to stay behind,
and say goodbye.”
-from “Last Lessons,” in Paper Bones by Sherry Rentschler (c) 2013 

But what have I done with my emotions that benefits my creative writing? I must respond by admitting that my fiction has not benefitted. Yet.

This then is the perfect time to examine what the loss of a mother (or any family member) brings to your writing repertoire and what you can do with your experience. It’s all about writing what you know, yes? This is the perfect holiday to take advantage.

In life, we have relationships with our mothers that go from blissfully solid to teenage terrible, from retrospective to lonely, to bordering on abuse or even murderous. Each person has within them a myriad of emotions that are useful, necessary, and invaluable to your writing. Do you use the “mother influence” to challenge or grow your character? Does the mother offer insight into the current state of being for your character? Does the holiday set your character up for laughter or sorrow? Are you a modern mother or a retro one?

Real examples can highlight the character emotions and moveyou from telling into showing. Baking together, learning to sew or cook, going to work with, sharing a business, teaching moments, playtime, each and every single experience adds depth to characters. Don’t forget simple things like making a lunch, giving a handmade gift, or simply sitting in the grass and watching the ants go by.

In the death of a mother, we can find regrets for things unsaid or undone, or worse, for things we did say or do. Death sadly provides an opportunity to discover unexplainable lost treasures in the home or in the mail. We discover secrets of personalities that never manifested when the mother was living. We know emptiness, frustration, fear, separation, as well as relief and joy. Our every sense is engaged. The lingering smell of perfume or stale flowers. The soft favorite sweater left on a chair. The many pictures lining the buffet or the dresser. Favorite movies highlighted in the TV guide. Homemade jam in the refrigerator.

Again, take the time to show character through activities related to the mother. Going through a jewelry box after a funeral, opening leftover mail, finding an old journal, speaking to siblings or other secondary family members, even neighbors offers insight. Use reality to spark life to the moment.

The how and why of each and all these various feelings are important to your writing. You can examine what you feel by giving your characters outlets to express them for you. You’ve heard the expression to “discover what scares you and write that.” Familial holidays set up this scenario perfectly.

In my case, I’ve realized that I have not used the mother influence to its best advantage. I am now writing fiction where my character became a mother and is facing a vault of new emotions. Though I am not a mother myself, I have a role model in my mom that gives me all the fodder I need. And I have the loss of my parent(s) to fill in the emotions I must experience for true-to-life drama. 

Yes, loss requires I go deep and refresh old, painful memories and feelings. Yes, it is going to hurt to go there. And I believe that doing so will give my writing a truth the readers will relate and respond to because I dared to write it. My daring will allow my readers to feel enabled to go with me and perhaps tap into their private emotions too.

On a lighter note, I hope you and your families all enjoyed a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you had another chance to express your love, give a hug, share a token of affection. Take none of those free moments for granted lest they be gone forever and you lose your chance.

But if you spent the day in memory and reflection, if you wandered into a cemetery or visited a grave (even in your mind), I hope the emotions were touchable and brought you happy tears.

Please use what you have to give life and breath to your characters. Be bold, be honest, be real. Your characters have/had mothers too. Do not let an opportunity to understand them pass us by.

RESULTS OF THE FREE EDITING OFFER:

Last month during my Fireside with the Phoenix live chat, I offered viewers of the chat, receivers of my newsletter, and members of my street team, a chance to have free editing for any writing project. I was excited to be able to make this offer and I hoped to read some very wonderful pieces and forward something exciting to an editor/friend, maybe even discover a fresh, new writer.

Unfortunately not a single person participated in this free offer. Initially I was sad and dejected and then I had to shake my head. Never, ever in my years as a writer have I ever been offered a chance at FREE editing. Had I received the chance, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have JUMPED on such an opportunity. 

I understand you may not have thought my offer worthy or even a good deal. I assure you that it was. My hope is that you may find another chance at a like gift in the future. Sadly, I will not be offering this giveaway again.

Finally, look for my next Facebook Live Chat on May 26. And the monthly newsletter will be headed out a few days after. Have you signed up yet? There’s a link on the right….

Thanks for stopping by!
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

WELCOME TO THE BIRD FEEDER NEIGHBORHOOD

The calendar said it was Spring but this year I’m happy to say Winter has a firm grip and isn’t letting go. We’ve had snow flurries three times this month here, and poor New England is buried after four Nor’easters. I can’t say I’m happy for those up north but I’m delighted to be lingering under a blanket with hot tea, watching cold rain fall while I either read or write. Very satisfying.

My writer’s mind is always working but seems to work overtime during the fall and winter months. I suppose that’s why I enjoy doing National Novel Writing Month in November because it suits the weather and my “spring” fever that only comes in Autumn. When Winter arrives, I write and read like a mad woman, though much of what I write doesn’t ever see the light of day. Still, satisfying.

One thing I can tell you about writing every day is this opens your mind to new ideas and new ideas brings you more prolific moments. You know I like to take real life and turn everything into an opportunity for scene work, character development, or world building. Real life moments are what make me a better writer. Even dark and dank, (ma)lingering Winter ones.

For example, recently we put up a new bird feeder. This has been a never-ending source of incredible excitement for the local songbirds. For my husband and me too. We watch out our kitchen window as the cardinals and their mates (or potential mates) flitter and fuss over fallen seeds, the bluebirds, wrens, and sparrows becoming regular patrons. Doves rarely came to my yard before and now two pair seem to have moved in. And a gorgeous red-headed woodpecker that I saw once or twice a year is now a daily friend.

The squirrels are like potential shoplifters. We had to grease the bird feeder pole to keep one particular squirrel from climbing and pilfering the seeds. He seemed oblivious to the local bluejay security guard so we solved the problem. Just like a greedy kid, the squirrel will have to manage like everyone else. I’m keeping an eye on him.

I liken this whole moment to opening a new apartment building. Suddenly you get all sorts of people moving in and out, strange and beautiful. Dating and mating and married for life-ers. There are the fussy, the troublemakers, the slow movers, and the ones always in a hurry but going no where.

And just like real life, you get the ugly moments too. A raccoon died in the road out front of the house. A black vulture dragged it to the end of the driveway. Then into the side ditch. Then back onto the driveway. Then UP the driveway. That’s when the friends showed up. For two days, we watched this go on and then when the raccoon ended up in the middle of our drive, hubby loaded it onto a shovel and tossed it into the neighboring pasture (that’s called passing the buck). Now we see the vultures from a distance. Close enough to see them manage their meals but far enough away that the gruesome factor is mitigated. Let those demons attack elsewhere, right?

Same as it would be for my neighborhood apartment building. Death in the streets is a natural occurrence. Robbing and dragging. Gangs showing up for spoils.

The rains are back. The birds are scattering. They too need time in their cozy nests. I hear a redtail hawk overhead. Squirrels run for cover. Like sirens screeching by in the road, these sirens in the sky warn of danger and accidents. Like me, like people, the birds and animals know.

A doe and two young fawns make their way over barbed wire fence (what separates me from the neighboring pasture) and come to feed on unborn tulips and fallen bird seed. The birds scatter at first, then return, realizing the diner is big enough for everyone. It is a peaceful neighborhood and diversity is possible. Deer, dove, large birds and small. Oh look! A bunny. Ah, that was a nibble on the run much like young folks who are too busy to stop and chat.

(Not my pic, but funny)

Like a true diner, the bell over the door is silent but when the diner is open, it serves many and all.

Life is happening outside my window and in my writer’s mind it is a world not dissimilar to the one I live in. Even in the darkness, when I know the “others” come – the fox, the coyote, the possum, and raccoon – the 24-hour diner continues to serve, their world turns and life is a cycle of comings and goings, birth and death. But this “local diner” is now the hub of activity and feels comfortable.

Uh-oh, there’s the black cat that lives somewhere around here. I think of him as the mafia don, always looking for a payment. Everyone has fled and the cat sits atop my firepit surveying the scene. He’s looking mighty plump these days so business must be profitable. From the tail twitch, someone’s going to pay up soon. When he’s gone, the small birds return. Life goes on.

Thrones, anyone?

That’s the way our book series work, too. We build a world, make the lives, stay with them day in and day out, get comfortable with our characters, look for them, get to know them, need them.

Even when Winter has to let go for Spring, life around the diner will be a never-ending story to savor. I’m certain that’s when I’ll finally see the falcon who gives the hawk competition. Of course, the owl who cries “whooooo” as the police on patrol, lets me know all is well in the neighborhood.

Let the life outside your window give your imagination fodder for your characters as mine does. You’ll writing will sparkle with realism because it will reflect the life’s truth in microcosm. And the fun you’ll have is endless.

We’ve put up a hummingbird feeder close to the window. It’ll be like going to ballet. I can’t wait for that show to come to town. When Spring is allowed to arrive, that heralds the butterflies and bats, and finally Summer’s fireflies. It’s like waiting for the circus.

We’re putting in a birdbath soon. My own neighborhood bathhouse.Stay tuned! And keep writing.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry

P.S. Look for my poetry contest!  Rules at the end of this week.