12 IRKSOME WRITER COMMENTS 

Here are 12 comments said by “writers” that irk me and flip my switches! I’ll happily tell you why.

            1.  I don’t know what to write about/there’s nothing to write about.

WHAT? Seriously, folks. Life is a treasure trove of stories, both mundane and extraordinary. Begin in the moment….”I sat at the kitchen table staring out the window…” or “the coffee pot gurgled and I sighed as I poured my first cup. Monday’s. I hated them.” The possibilities are endless! I can’t empathize with anyone who says this to me.

2. What’s the deal with your vocabulary? Why do you say “stodgy” instead of “old-fashioned?” Why do you say “myriad” instead of “many?”

So why don’t you use those words? Why is your vocabulary so limiting and poor? As a writer, words are your craft, your money, your paint, your world. Words are like music. Why use a B flat instead of B? Maybe it sets the mood better? Or has the kind of melody needed for the moment or the character? Use words to their full advantage and don’t dumb down for people. Ever. Don’t know a word? Don’t expect the author to teach you. Go look them up!

3. I have writer’s block.

No. See #1.

4. I just want to write what I want to write and if people don’t like it, too bad.

Actually I don’t have a lot of trouble with that thought. In theory, it is excellent. In practice, it is horrible. You have to find the balance between what you like to write and what people want to read. If you publish some drivel that you enjoy and no one else does, why bother to publish it unless you just want something to put on your coffee table with your name on it? Don’t waste your money going through a publisher and all that if that is all you want. Just make a word document and go over to Kinko’s or someplace like that. But if you really want to publish, learn where your style fits and what’s already published. Then find your niche in the genre. There is always a way to blend and yet be unique in a crowd. Find it.

5. That is obscene. That is just porn. Well, I don’t write that crap. “Oh you write THAT stuff.”

Now now. There’s room for everyone. If you don’t like erotica or other racier forms of writing, then DON’T WRITE IT AND DON’T READ IT. But do not presume to be the moral or literary compass for everyone else. I don’t like BDSM and so I avoid certain kinds of books. But I will not stand for censorship. Books are there to share. Look at Madam Bovary, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, or even Harry Potter! All three are banned books. Are banned books. Should I tell you can’t read Harry Potter because some person’s religious sensibilities were offended? No, you write what you want but always be mindful that if you tread in turbulent waters not everyone will be anxious to ride your waves. Be accepting, consider your audience and move on.

6.  I want to be a writer but I don’t have time. Or I’d love to sit home all day and write.

First off, becoming a writer does not necessarily mean you sit home all day and write. Most people have lives that are busy with jobs, kids, hobbies, friends, troubles, and writing has to find a way in. However, writers make room for writing because they can do no less. Writers have learned they have to write. Writers look forward to that release, the expression, the exploration, the discovery that writing provides. There is ALWAYS TIME to write. No matter how busy you are, you have time. Do you go to lunch? Do you blog? Do you keep a diary or a journal? Do you read the paper with your coffee/tea/soft drink? Do you have 10 minutes at the end of your day when you play solitaire on your computer?

No matter your job or your family life, there are times you can program to write. Regular time. Every day. First in the day, last in the day, over a sandwich or instead of something else, but you can always put writing in your life. That is if you honestly WANT and NEED to. Sometimes it is easier to say you are a writer than to actually be one. Stop talking about it and be one. The daily/nightly practice will lead to a wish to write more. Trust me on this.

7. I don’t want to share what I’m working on because someone might steal my idea.

Really?? Are you so certain that you have a wholly original, hot idea that has never been done before and is so dynamic and wonderful that someone can make a best-seller out of it?? Then you better get an agent and get that thing published! And if it is that good, you should have no trouble finding an agent and a publisher, right?

Okay, back to planet Earth. It is improbable that your book/story idea is so darn hot that someone runs away with it. And they can only do that if you don’t finish what you start. Truly there are very few original ideas left. What people learn to do is take old stories and make them new by adding new twists or new characters. Stop worrying about who is going to rip you off and worry more about actually writing and finishing that project of yours. Then realize that you need to share it for proofreading. beta comments, and publishing. Stop thinking you are a phenom and just write, ok? (Unless you are a James Patterson, Stephen King or JK Rowlings prodigy, then what are you worried about?)

8. I’m afraid of what you’ll think when you read it. It’s my baby, you know. I want you to like it.

Anything created is a part of us. Painters, musicians, sculptors, writers….we create and give life to something we hope will be wonderful. Certainly approval is what we seek in sharing. But guess what? Approval comes later. First, learning the craft means critiques. Means criticism. Means suggestions for improvement. Means re-writes and it means – gasp – deletions. Folks, toughen up because any beta reader, editor, proofreader, formatter is going to tell you things that you don’t want to hear. And you have to be smart enough and savvy enough to take it, learn from it, and grow from it. Who among us has never been told our work needs work? Who hasn’t heard, “not for me, not our style, not up to our standards, not developed enough, not current, blah blah.” Or worse, “I read it and I didn’t really like it.” Hey, let’s keep it real. First, you are going to be edited to death. Live with it. Second, not everyone is going to “love” what you write. You write first for you and second for them. Not all of “them” are going to like “all of you.” So, be prepared and move on.

9. My editor says I need to delete this whole section. What the hell does he/she know? Its my story!

First, l hope you are working with a professional. And if so, then what he/she knows is legion compared to you. Second, a good editor will have two things in mind, to produce the best story and to produce a story that sells. If you are seeking to be published in a magazine the editor will want to make sure it is what the readers want and that it reads well. Experience is the teacher here. Listen and learn and yes, question, and then learn s’more. If you feel so violently that you know more than your editor and you cannot reach an understanding, then accept you won’t be published. That is the editor’s right and your lesson. That’s the breaks, kiddo. If you are publishing a book, your editor will have read the entire work and has an understanding of what works and why. Listen, learn, adapt and seek compromise once you have experience under your belt. If you are a greenhorn (a novice, an amateur, a first timer), you do not know more than your editor. If you feel you are being butchered, discuss it. Again if you think you know more/better than your editor you can pull you project. However, if you have learned your craft, and this is your submission after years of hard work, it will show in your writing. In most cases, your editor will have your best interest at heart but remember, their job is to make it right and make sure it sells. Remember that.

10. It is the story that matters, right? What is the big deal with looks and formatting? Who really cares?

I do. When it comes to Indie authors, there are two sides of this argument. One is that it is the story that counts and everything else is just stuff and nonsense. The other side is that your book is your name and reputation and should have a professional appearance that can stand up against any “traditionally” published book. This is one subject that I am anal about. If you are going to put a book in print, make sure you do it right. There are guidelines to follow on what a print book should and shouldn’t have inside. There are guidelines on how to make quality book covers. If you go through all the effort to write a superior story and have it edited, then make the book reflect your hard work. Invest in a cover that is better than your vacation photos. Make sure the copy on the cover is as well written and edited as diligently as the interior. Invest in a quality author photo, not one from your smartphone. Layout the book in accordance to the CMS (Chicago Manual of Style). Understand what front and back matter is expected to be there and where it is located. If you write fiction know what should NOT be included that maybe belongs in a non-fiction book, etc. Looks and formatting do count. When I pick up a book and I open it, I don’t want to see things that belong only in an ebook or to find links in a print book that are gobbledygook (itty bity links that mean nothing in print) or numbered blank pages, or “#” at the end of a chapter. Make your print book good enough to sit on a stand in the library! Don’t go cheap binding, tossed together formatting, sloppy or illegible fonts, etc. Your name is on the book. It reflects you. The story matters most of all. So dress it in the finery that it deserves. Don’t let me be able to tell the difference between your Indie book and a traditionally published one from Knopf or Tor or anyone else. First impressions DO COUNT, you know.

11. I’m afraid what I write won’t be any good.

I’m afraid. Those are the key words. Realize that you will always be your own worst critic and your worst enemy when it comes to your writing. Until you make peace with yourself and believe in you, you will have to learn to deal with the scaredy- cat in you. Truth is no matter how much I learn about writing and how many things I write, a part of me is always a little afraid that it won’t “measure up” or be any good. What I have to realize is if I give my best work then it most certainly will measure up. And if I continue to learn and improve I will stop feeling so much fear and learn to channel that fear into excitement and nervous anticipation. We fear because we know we are not prepared. We don’t like the unknown. Reduce those fears by arming yourself with a well-honed craft. A pen that writes with confidence that comes from a place of knowledge is a pen to be feared by others but not by you!

12. Finally – and I hear this ALL the time – I don’t have time to read much less write. Or I wish I had time to read AND write.  It’s write or read. I can’t do both.

Okay, now hear this. Great and prolific writers are great and prolific readers. To write well you MUST read. Voraciously. Your mind is improved by reading. Your vocabulary is improved. Your imagination is improved. Your idea bank is expanded. You learn what is being produced in your genre, what is selling and what you like and don’t like about it. You gain an understanding of plotting and characters and story rhythms. Example, I hear someone say, “oh it dragged in the middle.” And then when you say that their story is dragging in the middle, they understand. Or they have ideas on how to fix it. They “get it.” Comparatively speaking, such lessons are invaluable. If you don’t know what makes a good plot arc because you haven’t read any good books, then how do you expect to understand how to make yours flow? If You are told it lacks a dynamic element, will you understand? What have you read that can compare? Reading gives you a sense of good writing. It rubs off! All well-established, famous, prodigious writers read A LOT. So get with it. Make time. It is in the best interest of your inner inkwell. No more excuses — go read a book (or twelve). (Not sure what to read? I publish my book reviews here for those who are looking for good stuff).

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That’s my rant for today. Here are a few last tidbits.

GIVEAWAY in progress! Today is the last day to get in on my giveaway. Ten years ago I published my photography book and to celebrate the anniversary I’m giving away a HARDBACK copy of it – I Wish You Joy. It’ll cost you $47 on Amazon.

Go here and enter. Random winner!  ENDS AT NOON TODAY!!!

And don’t forget to check out the latest Fireside Chat video too. I was pretty off the chart. :)

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Getting down to my last pens on Instagram. With only about eight Monday’s worth of novelties left, don’t miss out on these last goodies. Check me out here.

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I’m about to release my upcoming book cover! If you subscribe to my Newsletter, you’ll get to see it first! What? You haven’t subscribed? Get on the list now!

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HAVE A VERY HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! Be safe out there. Come back soon.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Personal Commentary: Sickness, Guilt, and Doubt

I was very ill for several days this past week. Not to go into too much gory detail but last Monday night I had some abdominal craps and wrote it off as gas. (Anyone over 40 knows what I mean). And I followed that up with major abdominal pains (lower and middle) on Tuesday, with nausea (I did throw up twice) and on Wednesday that developed (digressed?) into mild diarrhea. At no time did I run a fever but I had plenty of chills. By Thursday, I had some slight aches in my stomach but finally managed to keep some food down starting with a few plain pieces of bread, unsweetened applesauce and coffee that was half milk. Believe me, the coffee tasted FABULOUS because I hadn’t had any since Monday morning. Then on Friday all I wanted to do was hydrate and sleep. Saturday I felt like my old self again.

From Tuesday through Friday I didn’t write. I didn’t cook. I didn’t do dishes or laundry or shower (too weak and got nauseated just standing). I slept a lot, I hurt mostly. And I developed a new thing — guilt.

I am behind on my edits for the book and being sick was the last thing on my “To Do” list. I felt behind enough already and the guilt of not writing, not editing, and not making progress was about to do me in. To make matters worse, I have a husband who doesn’t know how to handle sickness (runs from me when I am sick), and so I had no one to commiserate with (though I could see in his eyes how much he was distressed for me) and thus feel better.

So all in all everything sucked. Yeah, I wallowed and fretted. And then I realized that if I couldn’t sit long enough to concentrate and do work, then I could plan. Make lists, write outlines, and get myself organized for when I could work.

Most of all the guilt was killer. Do we give ourselves permission to not write? To not work around the house? To not cook or clean? No. We don’t. If you live in a home where others do this for you, then brava/o. Hubs is able to take care of himself and I was fortunate that these days I was sick he  participated in planned golfing tournaments. He was gone and he ate elsewhere. Good for me. When he returned home, I tried to pay attention to him as much as I could (besides I missed his company), between pain and wanting to sleep. More guilt for neglecting him. He didn’t see it that way but my old fashioned guilt-meter pinged.

I feel better now, and I learned a few lessons over the week. No matter who we are, we set expectations for ourselves and few limitations. Writers are especially good at procrastination but that’s by choice. When that choice is taken away, we aren’t happy with being unable to work. That creates guilt when we aren’t performing to personal plans and oh that’s not good.

I felt the days slipping away and time escaping on my project. I desperately wanted to get back to doing what I love and hated that I couldn’t focus or think long enough between being sick and sleeping. I hated being sick. I’m almost never sick. And so the guilt burned extra deep.

For the odd cold that comes my way (mostly because hubby brings it home) I can shake it off in no time. This is the first time in decades that I’ve been really ill. And I missed not having a hand or a hug to get me through it (I really missed my mother saying something to make the little girl in me feel better. Truth). I was lonely, sick, guilty, and frustrated and you know what I did? I made notes about all those feelings. I will use them. I will write them.

I won’t forget those feelings.

One thing I don’t do well is advertise my sickness. I see people on Facebook all the time with their ailments and bruises and hospital stays and I feel badly for them. I’ve even cried for them. But I have trouble sharing that kind of personal stuff (despite this post). As a result, it makes it difficult to solicit sympathy when I really need it. More guilt when I do. I feel weak and I know I’m not. And then I wonder why no one cares. I am a mess sometimes.

But hey, we all need some human connection right?

I overcame my sickness and I battled my guilt at the same time. I had to learn to stop punishing myself with what I couldn’t do and concentrate on what I could do. It was paltry but I did something. That assuaged some of the guilt and thus the lesson was learned.

Women with families are the most susceptible to this kind of guilt. We can’t take time to be sick, especially moms. I have unending respect for mothers who do all things for their family. They sacrifice. Sickness? Pshaw. Who has time for that? I guess that’s why I don’t have children. 

But I know you out there. I know you feel the guilt from the loss of time, of work, of sharing, of being together. I know you because for a few terrible days, I was you. And I know the self-imposed guilt. 

We have to stop doing that to ourselves! Just let it go. (I’m a work in progress).

Long ago my mother said to me, “Ask yourself this: in 20 years will anyone remember what you did or didn’t do? If the answer is no, then it’s not worth your worrying about now. If it isn’t life-changing or bankrupting, let it go. Life is short enough without agonizing over what you lost. Treasure what you have, Sherry, and count your blessings and not your regrets.”

Got me through the week. I’m writing again as you can see. Sans guilt. It’ll come back again one day, I’m sure. But for now, I’m working and healing and learning to be free of me.

This may take some practice. 

Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

I find myself alone at the end of a five day, self-imposed retreat and I’m feeling a need to share the revelations from my ruminations. My husband went to a 50-year high school reunion and I stayed behind to work the home stretch of my current book-in-progress. While he’s been away, I’ve noticed I’ve passed through various stages of “being,” as a person and as a writer. The writer in me is interested in both and I wanted to share some of my discoveries about writing and myself (something I rarely do).

I should preface by saying I’m happily married and have been for nearly 29 years. I don’t like it when hubby and I are separated for too long (more on this coming). I must also tell you that the book I’m working on has put me through the wringer and I have been my best and worst friend because of it. Knowing those two issues will help to understand my revelations.

I know how I am, so I prepared for be alone. That means I planned what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it. I’m a past Girl Scout and a retired military member, not to mention an Aries, so planning and organizing is deeply ingrained in my nature. Be prepared! So I was.

One must have plenty of coffee, tea, sweetener, milk, cheese, and the biggie — chocolate! I did not want to have to go out and shop for the basic necessities. Then I prepared meals in advance too and this time (versus previous days I had alone) I planned not to cook. I ordered overly stuffed and delicious sandwiches from a favorite shop, one for Friday through today. Whatever else I needed I could toss together, ie., a scrambled egg, some toast, a salad. Add a bottle of wine (or two), Bloody Mary mix and good vodka (always available) and check and check. Such preparations require you know yourself well with realistic limits.

Domestic things next. Laundry done. Sheets changed and washed. Towels clean and refreshed. Areas that needed cleaning, cleaned. Me clean. Check and check.

Important writer items, printer ink and paper. Check and check. I am a slave to paper copies. I save to the cloud and flash drives and DVDs too but the paper copies are my friends. I’ve lost too many computers and broken too many flash drives not to be a copy fiend. So check and check.

When last Thursday rolled around and I was alone, the work began. And work I did. Tempted as I was to take advantage of a silent house and steal much wanted long hours of uninterrupted sleep, I didn’t. Instead I rose early (always before 7), ate (read: consumed two cups of coffee) and went to work (by 8:30). Some hours were better than others. All hours were productive. Break for an hour at lunch. Break at 4pm til either 7pm or later, depending. I had a book I was reading too.

I stopped long enough to have a tea party with some wonderful young girls on Thursday (before I really dove deep into my work) who allowed me to tap into my younger self through pure enjoyment of my friend’s children. It’s good to remember innocence and simply joy.

And I took another break on Saturday for a delightful phone call with a long distance friend whose friendship developed from first meeting online. She brightened my heart and shared laughter is fuel for the spirit and salve for the soul. 

I also paused to see the Warriors win the NBA title and Justify capture the Triple Crown. It is important to be there when history is being written. Those moments are never wasted, even if you can’t be there live. After all, you always need experienced fodder for the stories you write.

The rest of these five days (my last one is today as hubby is expected around 5pm), I’ve discovered how I have changed. When I was first alone it was a party. Eat, sleep, snack, shower all when I wanted. Slept like a baby that first night alone.

Second day/night. Productive. Feeling excited about my accomplishments. Slept well but woke anxious to get started the third day.

Third day feeling a little less motivated. Filled the bird feeder. Washed my recent dishes. Wanted to watch a movie and drink some tea. Instead, read a book for an hour, drank my mug of tea and went back to work after my phone call because my mood was significantly lighter. Didn’t sleep as well Saturday night. Mind was on the book and I missed my love.

Sunday brings the NASCAR race. I rose early, got the paper, drank my coffee and was at work by 9. The race came on at 2pm and I worked through their rain delay and still never really watched what little there was of it. I felt distracted despite not watching the TV. Decided later that night to watch a movie because I needed to put aside my work and give my brain a break. Besides my eyes were tired from the computer glare. Felt guilty not working. 

Slept badly last night. But today I’ve been energized again and hubby will be home tonight. I’m anxious to hear his stories about the reunion and the family he visited. I’m anxious to hold him and remember the feel of him and the sound of his voice. I missed him.

All in all, during this absence, I’ve realized that I am focused and motivated but I am influenced by my emotional attachments. I function my best when I connect with the people I care about and not operate completely in a vacuum. Yes, I need silence (or certain kinds of music) on my schedule. I don’t like noise that isn’t mine and I don’t like to be interrupted when I’m in the middle of my work. I alternate between ravenous and “who needs food?” And most of all I like how I am and what I do.

I also realized after spending so much time alone that I am a good friend to myself. I think part of that comes because I’m older and I know I need to be my best friend. But more than that, I don’t have a problem amusing myself. Sure I may get lonely but being alone isn’t a problem. The difference isn’t about other people, but in me. I guess I never thought that much about it before now.

So, I’m still hard at work in this the last full day of my self-made retreat. I’m going to be useless Tuesday as I plan to spend some quality time with hubby. Then Wednesday  I will be back in my office, door closed, mug of tea by my side and printer and laptop whirring as I write. After all, I need privacy while I kill off a darling and then I want to have dinner with hubby.

Find time to do some ruminating of your own. The self-revelations are necessary, even if you believe you have nothing new to learn about yourself, I think you might be wonderfully surprised. Oh and don’t feel guilty about taking a break or reading a book. Go on outside, drink some sunshine or moonlight and count yourself lucky.

Thanks again for stopping by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry